He Coulda Been Somebody


(Note: A little foul language in there)

I think Marlon Brando is better than you do.

It’s because I didn’t pay attention to the last thirty years or so of his life. More or less, The Godfather is the last movie I saw him in, and I didn’t see that when it came out; too young. So no, Jor-El didn’t affect my opinion much. Neither did Apocalypse Now, which isn’t really a movie, and he’s not really in it– it’s just a big self-indulgent mess of misplaced anger and sentiment, with Marlon doing the only sensible thing in it: cashing a check and going home.

All those bad movies were Marlon’s version of an old ballplayer sitting at a card table signing autographs for a few bucks apiece. But in Brando’s case, the little kids waiting to touch the hem of his shabby muu-muu were film directors clutching a few hundred grand, and the card table was a film set.  He got too big for the milieu he was in, which is very big indeed, and became Elvis or Santa Claus or something. That’s not his fault. Hell, whoever made this mashup pasted it over a Beatles song that tested the outer limits of the public’s appetite to adore anything, and there’s Brando on the album’s cover.

People should be aware of things that happened before they were born. They should pay some attention to things that matter to those younger than themselves, too. How else will you raise children properly? People should put things in context.

You can see it, if you look closely. There’s this dotted line between standing on wooden floorboards yelling whispers to a house, and having a lens an inch from your nose in an artificial world with only a theoretical audience to pitch your wares to. Marlon Brando erased this line.

Our Continuing Series: Paul Robeson Playing Softball

Hello, and welcome from the management. Please remember to tip our bartenders and waitresses, and remember we are not responsible for lost articles, or adjectives for that matter.

If you’re new to the Cottage, we have a longstanding tradition. We feature pictures of Paul Robeson playing softball each Wednesday at exactly 9:38 in the AM.

The management regrets that we are a little short of pictures of Paul Robeson playing softball this week, and our fallback offerings of Videos Of Marlon Brando Playing The Bongos In A Grotto Fashioned After A Drunkard’s Nightmare Videos are offline right now, so we offer you, the discerning listener, er, reader, er, viewer, er, connoisseur, yes, that’s it, our Videos of Marlon Brando Playing the Ukelele On French Television Videos. Look for it in labels under VMBPUOFTV in the future. Enjoy, and drive safely.

By Popular Demand… The Cubicle Drinking Song!

But you won’t stay popular very long requesting songs like this.

Anyway, the Edjamikated Redneck wanted the boys to sing Charlie and the CLM, and he’s pleasant so we hauled out the Flip camera and Got ‘er Dun.

* While it may sound like it, no animals were harmed in the making of this video.

Here are the words if you want to sing along. We sound better if you do. And have a few stiff drinks.

Charlie And His CLM

Let me tell you all the story
Of the PC LOAD LETTER
And poor Charlie’s dyspeptic day
He’d eaten Kung Pao in Woonsocket,
Walked the aisle to the printer
And cropdusted the entire way

Chorus:
Did he ever return,
No he never returned
But his smell is still discerned
Prairie Dog coworkers
wonder who was passing
He cropdusted, and never returned.

Charlie lingered at the printer
As the gas cloud settled
Shoved in two reams of foolscap plain
Then the LaserJet was blinking, saying
LOW ON TONER
Charlie rumbled, and started to strain

Chorus:
Did he ever return,
No he never returned
But his smell is still discerned
Prairie Dog coworkers
wonder who was passing
He cropdusted, and never returned.

Now all day long
Charlie stands at the Canon
Thinking, “What will become of me?”
Crying
There’s never any paper
In the Men’s Room holders
And he was going to need a whole Dead Tree

Chorus:
Did he ever return,
No he never returned
But his smell is still discerned
Prairie Dog coworkers
wonder who was passing
He cropdusted, and never returned.

Charlie’s boss goes down
To the handicapped bathrooms
Every day at a quarter past two
And Charlie knew the danger
If he toilet bombed his bosses
When the szechuan came rumblin’ through.

Chorus:
Did he ever return,
No he never returned
But his smell is still discerned
Prairie Dog coworkers
wonder who was passing
He cropdusted, and never returned.

As his lunch rolled on
underneath his spattered tieclip
Charlie looked around and then he sighed:
“Well, I’m sore and disgusted
And my bowels can’t be trusted,”
And he lay down by the fax and died.

Chorus:
Did he ever return,
No he never returned
But his smell is still discerned
Prairie Dog coworkers
wonder who was passing
He cropdusted, and never returned.

Songs Engendered By Driving Past Emo Girls Texting At A Yard Sale In Norway, Maine

Fat girl texting in her bed all night
Man, those stubby thumbs can really fly
All Done, Bye Bye (ADBB)
She was only waiting for the pizza to arrive

Facebook Friending in the dead of night
Tagging Bieber’s Wall for all to see
(Pie!) AYCE
You are only waiting for his Poking to be free

Fat girl, type
Fat girl, type
Into your T-Mobile myTouch Slide.

Fat girl, type
Fat girl, type
Into your T-Mobile myTouch Slide.

Fat girl texting in her bed all night
Man, those stubby thumbs can really fly
ADBB
She was only waiting for the pizza to arrive
She was only waiting for the pizza to arrive
She was only waiting for the pizza to arrive

Tag: VMBPBGFADNV

Find Stuff:

Archives