The Greatest Play In NFL History

I understand that there might be some dissenting opinions about this. You might prefer catching a wild throw against your helmet. NFL films prefers the Immaculate Reception. Tuck rules and field goals in the snow are mentioned. I’m sorry, but there can be only one. And as far as my blogpost title goes, I know it wasn’t even the NFL then. The greatest play in NFL history happened in an AFL game before they merged the leagues. I don’t care. It’s all
applesauce. Hear me out.

They were still the Boston Patriots at that point, and didn’t have a home. The picture is Babe Parilli heaving a duck to a patch of infield grass with no one standing on it in Fenway Park. That’s where the vagrant Patriots used to play. They also played at Harvard Stadium, and at Boston University’s Nickerson Field, on Commonwealth Ave heading towards Brookline. They were the half-a-joke of Boston Sports. No one cared about any kind of football in Boston, and three-quarters of New England were Giants fans, anyway.

Bye, bye, Babe, we hardly knew ye. On to the video. They’re playing the Dallas Texans. No, you heard that right. I think the Dallas Texans are the Kansas City Chiefs now, or perhaps they’re the Dallas Cowboys, after being the Kansas City Whatevers for a while, I can’t remember and can’t be bothered to look it up.

I’ve had a lot to do with the Boston, er, New England Patriots over the years, all strange. I almost died in their driveway. I once stood on the fifty yard line of their new stadium while a half-dozen of us decided to change a thirty-year-old NFL rule, and did. One of my friends owns the crappy Astroturf endzones from the old stadium they had in Foxboro, before they built that stripmall thing they have now. I broke my ankle once, and attended an event at their stadium by being thrown over the chain link fence by my friends. Don’t misunderstand; I showed up with the broken ankle. My roommate used to counterfeit press passes and stand on the sidelines.

At any rate, my intimate knowledge of the Patriots is a testament to the fact that they were nobodies, because I’m a nobody. But sometimes, nobodies have a profound effect on things, don’t they?

I know Seattle likes to think that the people in the stands are their twelfth man, but talk is cheap, son. Get out there and make a play, or put a sock in it.

Spahn And Sain And Pray For Rain

When I was still in the gas station renovation business, I got a call from a project manager for a petro company. He wanted to meet at a defunct station they’d taken over from some independent gone tits up.

I met him there. He was younger than I — though I was still quite young — and more earnest about his job than I was, which is saying something. The place was gone to seed, the bowsprit of the triangular canopy rusting overhead, the blockhouse building looking a more like Paul Bunyan’s buttsprung ottoman than a concrete block bunker. The glass in the overhead doors was painted white –the winding sheet of commerce –and the concrete and pavement was spidered to bits.

The fellow asked me if I’d ever been there before. I told him I’d been there on the day it opened in 1967 but never since. He laughed and thought I was joking, but I wasn’t. I lived about five miles from there for sixteen years, and remembered the day it was opened quite clearly. I kept the remembrance to myself.

My father liked the baseball game. He was a  Braves fan, when they were still in Boston, and then a Sox fan. I think he actually loved the Braves, but considered the Red Sox a kind of mail-order bride he couldn’t afford to return. I think it’s because his father took him to Braves games.

First we’ll use Spahn
then we’ll use Sain
Then an off day
followed by rain
Back will come Spahn
followed by Sain
And followed
we hope
by two days of rain.

My father worked at a bank, and they lent money to all the ballplayers –well, all the profligate and deadbeat ones, anyway — and he was often tasked with trying to collect it. We used to go to Fenway Park from time to time, though it was pretty far away, and we’d sit directly behind the catcher, maybe ten rows back. The tickets were always free. Nobody went to Red Sox games back then. They’d stunk for decades.

The park was dirty and run down, and so were the players. I’ve never understood people that say Fenway Park is beautiful. It looks like Joe Stalin designed it and inebriated people that didn’t like Boston very much built it. Some people have a problem with all the advertising all over it now, but believe me, back in the day it was unremittingly green and it was much, much uglier, because you could really see it. The advertising is like planting vines on an ugly overpass. It helps a little.

The overhead doors at the gas station were open that warm day we went to the opening. There were strings of triangle flags snapping smartly in the breeze, the place was a new penny, and there were a half-dozen or so Red Sox players sitting at card tables in the open doorways. They dutifully autographed 8-1/2 by 11 black and white photos of themselves and smiled, at least until my dad and I showed up and then they smiled at me and then got kind of straight-lipped for my dad, and haltingly offered, without being asked, that the restaurant wasn’t doing so good right now Buddy but they’d catch up on their loan pretty quick, you betcha. He was off duty and didn’t care but such is life.

I think I remember Jerry Adair, maybe, Rico Petrocelli and George Scott, and forget who else. Lord knows what happened to the promo pictures. I had ten billion dollars-worth of baseball cards back then, and they’re gone, too. No one kept such things. Pro athletes were able to earn a living without working so they were exotic, but that’s about it. In my youth only little children and the odd addled adult would plaster their lives with the memorabilia of an athletic team. Baseball cards and autographs were fun, and so, worthless. You can’t be both.

But my Dad — he loved the baseball game. My mind drifts back to the game wafting out of the crummy AM transistor radio on a lazy summer afternoon while my father mowed the nasty brown patch of grass he kept in front of our house. We’d sit together occasionally for a short moment in the shade of the big pine on cheap lawnchairs made from aluminum tubing and nasty fibrous strapping that cut into your legs.

Ken Coleman’s voice would wash over us, the polyglot names of the batters would come in their turn, and Dad would wordlessly give me a sip of his beer right from the cold, steel can.

I wonder if my own sons will ever remember anything so fondly about me as that.

[Note: First offered in 2012]

We Had Everything Before Us, We Had Nothing Before Us, We Were All Going Direct To Heaven

Pop knew everybody. Didn’t have a dime but took me everywhere. We’d pull up to the Garden parking lot in our old beater. No hope. It was full when I was born, and now I’m in grammar school. I cringed until the face leans out of the booth and it’s his nephew in there. Right over there, Uncle Buddy. Where the players park.

You couldn’t buy a ticket with money. The Garden would thrum with excitement and no one would miss it for filthy lucre. Pop had four. Conjured them like a wizard at work because the boss was already wearing white shoes for the season and wouldn’t sweat in a seat in that hellhole when he could be on the Vineyard. Pop says he’ll sit behind the pole and stare at the big rusty rivets but I’d always end up there because I fit.

Uncle Smokey would come and puff his Tiparillos and jape with Dad and I was in the company of men and stood in awe like at the foot of marble Lincolns.

There was weather inside there. Cumulus clouds of smoke would meet the smog from the drunken exhalations and clash with the cold front coming up from Bobby Orr’s ice under the rickety parquet wood floor.

Then we’d stand and the floor was lost to me, nothing but the boles of men in an endless forest swaying in the breeze of excitement.

I’d kill ten innocent men to go back there for ten minutes.

What If Everything In The World Were A Misunderstanding, What If Laughter Were Really Tears?

Pop knew everybody. Didn’t have a dime but took me everywhere. We’d pull
up to the Garden parking lot in our old beater. No hope. It was full
when I was born, and now I’m in grammar school. I cringed until the face
leans out of the booth and it’s his nephew in there. Right over there,
Uncle Buddy. Where the players park.

You couldn’t buy a ticket with money. The Garden would thrum with
excitement and no one would miss it for filthy lucre. Pop had four.
Conjured them like a wizard at work because the boss was already wearing
white shoes for the season and wouldn’t sweat in a seat in that
hellhole when he could be on the Vineyard. Pop says he’ll sit behind the
pole and stare at the big rusty rivets but I’d always end up there
because I fit.

Uncle Smokey would come and puff his tiparillos and jape with Dad and I
was in the company of men and stood in awe like at the foot of marble
Lincolns.

There was weather inside there. Cumulus clouds of smoke would meet the
smog from the drunken exhalations and clash with the cold front coming
up from Bobby Orr’s ice under the rickety parquet wood floor.

Then we’d stand and the floor was lost to me, nothing but the boles of
men in an endless forest swaying in the breeze of excitement.

I’d kill ten innocent men to go back there for ten minutes. 

Tag: Boston

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