The Original Show About Nothing: Jeeves and Wooster

Of course it’s a misattribution or malapropism or maladroit miscommunication or some other whatsis to refer to Seinfeld as The Show About Nothing. That whole idea is an in-joke that got embedded deeply into the meta information of the show itself. The sitcom was based on the idea of demonstrating how comedians found their material in ordinary life, and then showcasing them (Seinfeld) delivering that material in its finished form.

But still. The joke stuck, and became a metonym for the whole enterprise. It kinda works, because by design, no one on the show learns anything from their misadventures, never grows up, never matures. They never alter their behavior after learning any lessons delivered from their trip through their pampered version of the school of hard knocks. Their woes are trivial. While hundreds of people pass through their warped little world, the principals (and their principles) don’t change one whit.

By those standards, it is a show about nothing, but it’s not the first. P.G.Wodehouse wrote the first show about nothing I know about, even though it wasn’t a show when he thought it up. It was a series of published stories. Jeeves and Wooster adumbrated the show about nothing.

If you’re not familiar with the stories, Bertie Wooster is a somewhat dimwitted wastrel semi-aristocrat flouncing around London and various posh country estates in Great Britain between the two wars. Jeeves is his wise and hyper-competent manservant. This kind of turnabout is common now, but it was fresh when Wodehouse started it. Wodehouse began contemporaneously with the subject matter, but he somehow kept it going until 1974, through 35 short stories and 11 novels. Bertie never learns anything, Jeeves never forgets anything, they never get any older, time never passes, and nothing much happens throughout the whole enchilada. It’s still funny, and always will be, because Wodehouse was a funny writer.

There have been various attempts to dramatize Jeeves and Wooster over the years, including radio programs, stage plays, and TV shows. The best known is probably Jeeves and Wooster from ITV back in 1990. It still holds up pretty well. You can find all of them on YorubaTube if you poke around. Here’s the entire first episode:

There is a problem, although it’s something of a quibble. Wodehouse is not well-suited for dramatization. Hugh Laurie, who plays Wooster in the last clip, had this to say about Pelham Grenville:

The facts in this case, ladies and gentlemen, are simple. The first thing you should know, and probably the last, too, is that PG Wodehouse is still the funniest writer ever to have put words on paper. Fact number two: with the Jeeves stories, Wodehouse created the best of the best.

He’s wrong about some of that, but that’s not the problem I’m describing. Mark Twain is the funniest writer ever to put words on paper, with daylight second. However, both Twain’s stories and Wodehouse’s tales of misbegotten engagements, drunken layabout lords, and theiaphobia have the same drawback when viewed as dramaturgy. It’s the way the stories are told that’s humorous. Both authors have a masterful technique of making written works that are funny to read. While the situations they describe can vary from mundane to ridiculous, the action is in the delivery of the language. The stuff that happens might be comic, but the words make it hilarious.

Here’s two examples I’ve included in an old essay called The Dirty Dozen Best First Lines in Literature. First, P.G.:

Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to talk French.
Pelham Grenville Wodehouse — The Luck of the Bodkins

Then Twain:

This last summer, when I was on my way back to Vienna from the Appetite-Cure in the mountains, I fell over a cliff in the twilight, and broke some arms and legs and one thing or another, and by good luck was found by some peasants who had lost an ass, and they carried me to the nearest habitation, which was one of those large, low, thatch-roofed farm-houses, with apartments in the garret for the family, and a cunning little porch under the deep gable decorated with boxes of bright colored flowers and cats; on the ground floor a large and light sitting-room, separated from the milch-cattle apartment by a partition; and in the front yard rose stately and fine the wealth and pride of the house, the manure-pile.
Christian Science — Mark Twain

Timing is just about everything when you’re trying to say something funny. Neither of those examples is a “joke.” Both writers hated jokes, although they used them to good effect by telling terrific jokes after first describing them as bad jokes, and kind of apologizing for them. For example, Bertie hears someone describing seeing Garrick playing Hamlet at the Odeon, (I’m doing this from memory, the details might be slightly different) and asks, “Who won?”, while no one laughs.

The timing in either of those opening lines is the key. You’re strung along, trying to keep up, and amused along the way by the tortured language and the occasional, offhand-sounding chuckler, then hit with the crusher at the end. They’re both great at it, The best ever, that I’ve ever seen, in print.

But bad books generally make the best movies. Twain’s characters have been portrayed plenty of times in movies and on TV, to poor effect. Huckleberry Finn is the Ur-Novel in American letters, but the story alone is not that interesting without the lively text. And while Jeeves and Wooster is about as good as cable TV shows get, it never achieves the drollery and amusement of P.G.’s writing.

My point is kind of borne out by the way the Jeeves and Wooster series was developed. Like most good British TV, there were only a few seasons with a handful of episodes each season. They still had trouble filling the hours. They mashed handfuls of stories together to pass the time, and then started making up dreadful ideas of their own, like putting Jeeves in drag. They discovered pretty quickly that there was a set of encyclopedias-worth of funny text, but only a handful of funny, televisable things in the stories.

Perhaps one of the reasons why Jeeves and Wooster still holds up is that the paradox of the helpless aristocrat and the competent, long-suffering servant is only half the paradox. It works just as well reversed, because Jeeves, while a servant, personifies rock-ribbed traditional, conservative Great Britain. He reads Spinoza in his room on his day off. But ultimately, he’s not in charge. Bertie may be a member of the upper crust, but he’s always ready to try every passing fad in amusements and clothing. He’s a kind of imbecilic gadfly. He never reads anything but a menu or a racing form, but somehow his class of nitwits are ostensibly in charge of an empire.

Neither Bertie or Jeeves has much of anything to do with the working class. Regular workers barely even enter the stories as props. It’s a struggle between two factions over who will set an example for the rest of the kingdom. In the episode above, Bertie tells Jeeves that he’s not the sort of man who becomes a slave to his valet. It’s amusing to watch him do it anyway, in a show about nothing.

Be Sure To Sidestep the Little Bits of History Repeating

The word is about, there’s something evolving
Whatever may come, the world keeps revolving
They say the next big thing is here
That the revolution’s near
But to me, it seems quite clear
That it’s all just a little bit of history repeating

A Song for You

Ray Charles Robinson singing a Leon Russell song in 1999, in Frankfurt Germany. He was about 70 years old then. He hadn’t lost anything off his fastball.

There’s a convergence of material and audience and performer on display that’s pretty rare. You can hear a pin drop while he’s singing. You couldn’t hear a plane land when he’s finished.

A Whole Lotta Firepower

Little Village. It only lasted a year or two in the nineties, and then disbanded. The songs sound a little bit too much like a committee wrote them. But I’d be hard pressed to come up with more firepower on a stage than:

John Hiatt (guitar and vocals)
Ry Cooder (guitar and vocals)
Nick Lowe (bass and vocals)
Jim Keltner (drums)

In music, the total has to be more than the sum of the parts, I guess.

Needs More Kantela

This is the greatest concert I’ve ever heard of. It makes Woodstock look like Monday night in a Chinese restaurant lounge in Milford, Mass. Don’t ask me how I know what that’s like.

This video gets pulled from YouTube faster than I can keep up with it. The video quality in this one is set on Etch-A-Sketch through a periscope, but you get the idea. The whole thing is sublime.

The main performers are a spoof. More to the point, they are a metaspoof. There’s layers to it. They are pretending to be Russians who are pretending to be American. They’re actually Finnish. If you know anything about Finland, you know how extraordinary this performance is. The concert in the video is from 1993. Think of that. Some Finns in a band called Sleepy Sleepers started mocking Mockba when the Soviet bear starting losing its fastball. Not long after, the Berlin wall came down and the world was a better place for everyone, especially Russians.

Finns and Russians fought some wars, I tell you what. What you’re watching is the implacable becoming placable. That’s a real Russian military band performing with Finns in downtown Helsinki. It’s glorious, every which way. To return to my comparison to Woodstock, it’s as if the National Guard from Kent State sang backup for Hendrix with Nixon conducting.

The band is the Leningrad Cowboys. I adore the description of the band in Wikipedia. Genre?

  • Comedy rock
  • Rock and roll
  • Hard rock
  • Heavy metal
  • Glam metal
  • Alternative metal
  • Industrial metal
  • Folk metal

That’s a lot of attempts to avoid admitting you have no idea what to call it.

Rock music is stupid. Stop blustering. Admit it. C’mon. You know in your heart I’m right. You just don’t want to admit it. Repeat after me: It’s stoopid.

Why can’t you just embrace it? It’s dumb, but it can be dumb fun. There’s no dumber fun than Happy Together by the Turtles. You can tell The Turtles were trying to stretch the limits of banality they could pawn off as a pop song. Me and you, and you and me… The Fluorescent Leech and Eddie knew rock was dumb, and they loved it, and they took it up a notch or three.

Finland’s a big place without many people in it. Essentially, the entire country went to this show. No one was claiming they were going to save the world with three chords and some caterwauling. They simply noticed the world had already been saved, and had a party. And that party was a stone groove.

Have You Heard Guided by Voices? They’re a Band

None-hit wonders.Guided by Voices could half-fill a tent show or swamp a converted sweatshop barroom for twenty years or so. They had one recognizable song I know of. This is it. I’ve come to the conclusion that everybody has one garage rock hit in them. It’s inborn, like a vestigal tail or an appendix, and about as useful. People who can produce more than one are rare indeed, and need not be discussed here. No matter what, both the audience and the bandmembers keep expecting another tune worth the tap of a toe to be vomited forth, but it never shows up.

Because everyone knows, correctly, that they have that one song in them, they look at the mess on the stage in whatever club they’re in and grumble, “I could do that.” The modern music store industry is based on getting every single male human being to buy $25,000-worth of Les Pauls and trash cymbals and attempt to make one coherent noise in their mother’s garage, and then quit. If you enter the music store wearing a Guided by Voices T-shirt, you’re already doomed. You’ll buy anything.

To people like Guided by Voices, who have had their cup of coffee in the almost-big leagues, comes a kind of peace. No matter what, for one brief shining moment, they slipped the orbit of the portion of the home or the freestanding building designed and constructed to house a vehicle or vehicles, but never does because it’s got your goddamn son’s goddamn drum set in it.

Just as an aside, I might point out that the Unorganized Hancock version of Game of Pricks is immediately the definitive version of the tune. Watch the 12-year old drummer, then search the Internet for other versions of the song. No one can hold a candle to him. Nobody.

Ralph Bellamy, I’m in Love With You

I used to play in a Happy Hour band that played Stump the Band with the audience. We had to stop when Massachusetts made Happy Hour illegal. No, really, that happened. My life is one long list of vocations, jobs, life callings, and hobbies that were made illegal. If I were smart, I would have started out doing illegal things right from the get-go. Illegal pays better.

Anyway, we’d wait for the audience to get some tonsil polish in them to loosen them up a bit, and then I’d drag the microphone out front and start interviewing people like a game show host. If that wasn’t working out — because everyone was too rowdy, or not rowdy enough — we’d play Stump the Band. The drummer would challenge the audience to call out the name of any one-hit wonder band that had had a top ten song in the past thirty years, and we pledged to play a minimum of ten recognizable seconds of it. A lot of times we’d play the whole thing if one of us knew half the words.

People would really, really, really try to stump us, which was a fool’s errand. We were pros, and the 1910 Fruitgum Company, or Cannibal and the Headhunters held no terrors for us. Guys that had giant record collections and tape on their glasses would try to stump us over and over again, but that sucked for everyone. The rest of the audience had no idea what the song was even if we did play it, so we mostly ignored those guys and waited for a pretty girl to yell out TEE SET! or something. Truth be told, we always ignored guys for any number of reasons, and no girl ever asked for some dirge nobody would recognize. They asked for fun stuff, like THE TEE SET! PLAY THE TEE SETTTT WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

They always asked for their favorite oldie, something their big sister or their mother listened to when they were little. And without fail, we’d ruin it utterly and forevermore for them by playing it perfectly but mucking around with the lyrics. Once you hear it perfectly wrong, you’ll never hear it right again.

Sing it with me! RALPH BELLAMY, I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!

How To Play The Bass. Lesson One: Don’t Play The Bass, You Idiot, Play Something Else

[Editor’s Note: Written in December of 2008 and never used, then recycled twice. Not sure why]
Author’s Note: Don’t ask me; I just write the stuff. There is no editor]

 

Play That Fonkee Music, White Boy

I (used to) play the electric bass. It’s not a bass guitar, although everyone calls it that. There actually is an instrument called a “bass guitar.” It has six strings and is tuned lower than a regular guitar, but it’s not a bass. A bass is that doghouse with the four strings. The electric kind hangs on your neck and gives you a bad back (left side), deafness, and a couple hundred bucks a night for as many nights as you’ll show up, because every other person in the world is an unemployed guitar player. Own a bass and you’ll always work.

That’s what my brother told me all those years ago. He actually knows how to play the thing properly. Everything I learned about it he taught me in one afternoon in his freezing cold, decidedly downscale apartment in Providence RI. I never had to learn anything other than what he taught me that day, and I’ve forgot half of that, and I could still work every night if I wanted to. I don’t. No one owns one, shows up, and plays bass — instead of monkeying around like the guitar player they wish they were on the wrong part of the neck.

But you need bass lessons, and I’m busy and don’t know how to play, and my brother’s busy and in lives in LA, so we’re stuck with YouTube. I’ll teach you everything you need to know, right now.

The Blues Is A Chair. Sit On It First

You have to play the blues first. It’s easy. Just shut the hell up and never venture past the fifth fret. There are only three chords, and if you play with John Lee Hooker he’s not even interested in all three of those; I did, and he wasn’t. Muddy Waters will show you how:

That’s the first song I played for money three days after my lesson. I stunk, but everybody else did too, but they practiced so they had no excuse. The audience was drunk, what difference did it make?

 

Movin’ On Up To Interstellar Blues

You can actually practice, and you can hang all sorts of musical drapes on that framework. Like Miles Davis’ friend Paul Chambers.

This song is a mere bagatelle; hell, two or three cloned kids can play it.

 

Next Up: Gigging At Bob’s Country Bunker

But you’re a hack whitebread dude. You gotta eat too. Duck Dunn will show you the way to play in barbands where the all the fights are merry and the dancing is violent:

This Is Where Those Tuba Lessons In Fourth Grade Really Pay Off

Nuffin’ to it. But what if you want to play pop music? Well, it’s really just tuba parts from the music hall. Macca gets it.

He sings OK, too. Remember, no matter how bad you sing, make sure there’s a microphone in front of you or you’ll make less money than the other guys. Even Ringo figured that out eventually.

Now It’s Time To Join The Chest Hair Club For Men

But you need rock music, too. The thudding kind, not the Beatles kind. You only need to learn one song –any song– by any one of a dozen bands with guys that go to Chest Hair Club for Men. Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Lynyrd Skynyrd; makes no nevermind. This is as good as any:

At The Session, They Said Play Like James Jamerson. So I Left

If you want to play like a real bass player, you’ll have to devote your life to figuring out what the hell got into James Jamerson to make him play like that on all those Motown records. Good luck. How Einstein came up with the special theory of relativity is an easier poser.

Got all that? Me neither. I used to try to play like 10 percent of that and had to sing over it, too. The seizures are getting better, now.

Reggae: The Audience Is Blitzed, They’ll Never Notice If You Don’t Play On The One

Reggae bass playing is easy. Just play like James Jamerson, only backwards.

I Know What Boys Like. I Know What Guys Want. And I Don’t Care

But you’ve got to learn one lesson, and learn it fast: Girls don’t want any of that. They want to dance, and they don’t want it too sophisticated. This was the National Anthem of girls in a tube top right up to the present day: Easy, too. The song, I mean:


See, even Helen Reddy will have an extra sloe gin fizz and get jiggy when that’s going on.

Now You’re Ready To Enter The Leo Fender Memorial Couch Surfing Pageant

There you have it. You’re qualified to make a crummy living from 8 PM to 3 AM three nights a week and two weddings a month. Hope your girlfriend has a comfortable couch.

What’s that? Country music? Which country? Our country? Don’t bother. There’s only two notes, and neither is all that compelling.

That Selfie Really Tied The Internet Together, DID IT NOT?

I like The Big Lebowski a great deal.

It’s passed through many phases of public interest. Like Spinal Tap, no one paid much attention to it when it came out. Since it was ignored, those who seek thrills in liking unliked things picked up on it. Vanguard becomes cult, cult becomes church. People now pray regularly in the church of The Dude.

Intellectuals have sought to understand both the movie and the resiliency of the interest in it. Only Groundhog Day has garnered more attempts at amateur and professional analysis of mundane subjects that seem to be important. They aren’t, in and of themselves, so you can look pretty silly testifying that you know why it’s popular, and popular in that very specific way: grown from seed, not top-down popularity. No one humped The Big Lebowski into widespread popularity, at least not that I can see. Lady Gaga, and Katy Perry, and Bieber, and Madonna, and lots of other people you could name are completely contrived assaults on your attention and your wallets. Lebowski is the other way ’round. The audience demanded that the makers of the entertainment pay attention to it with as much vigor as they bring, well after the fact. I think Star Wars is kinda like it in a way; I’m fairly certain George Lucas thought he was making a trifle. It is a trifle, but it made a trillion or so. It’s not like Lebowski, though, because Lebowski is a good movie. But the subtexts and touchstones that resonate with the audience were likely hidden from the view of the makers in both cases. They discovered gold while scattershot mining for tin.

I am not going to dissect The Big Lebowski here. When you take apart the frog to see how it works, the frog can’t jump for you anymore, and I need this frog to jump. I want to enjoy it like a normal person. I want to enjoy it like an Al Green song. I don’t want to know what key it’s in.

Jeff Bridges.com

Tag: 1990s

Find Stuff:

Archives