A Chance Like That

I can’t believe I gotta sit through this.

Boss says go I go. Says this fathead’s playin’ way past payin’ now. He ain’t got no use exceptin’ what he can learn to the others. He shoulda knowed that eventually you gotta pay the band.

Oh, he’s gonna wail until I shut him up. Sidle up next to him in the alley and take his elbow like we’s on a date, only I leaves fingerprints in him right off so he knows what’s what. All the way in the car he’s gonna walk Spanish and tell the side of my head that he’s got the lettuce stashed and all I gotta do is let him go get it. He knows I’m hard-boiled but he thinks we’re still talkin’. Talkin’s over, you lizard. I got sent ’cause I got no conversation in me.

He’s such a swell with the broads when he’s gamblin’ with other people’s dough and drinking champagne and wine. He’s gonna look a lot different under the lights I’m gonna show him. Man’s gotta learn. He ain’t gonna like it but he should get down on his knees and thank me because I’m sent from heaven and I make you repent first so you can meet your maker baptised. Who else is gonna give a man a chance like that?

A Lucky Fellow

I wake up every morning and the room’s a little smaller. Walls are creeping in. The ceiling’s thinking it over. I limp to the window and it’s a porthole that looks on nothing but icebergs.

It’s a good room, though. The landlord drinks a bit and you can fool with him. The old ladies he worries like a dog worries a shoe, hair trigger, ’cause they haven’t anything but money for him, and they ain’t got any of that very often, either. But you find a pint for him now and then, or lift a couple cigars off the counter at the station when the worker bee’s making change and you’re jake for another month with the guy.

I tried quitting the smokes, but what’s the use? It’s the only currency in the world now. The only manners a man can have. I got smart and got matches and always kept ’em on me, and the swells never seem to have one and they’ll give you a coffin nail for a light every time. Get the empty packs from the barrels and fill ’em back up and pretty soon you’re rolling in it.

Once upon a time you could go to the railyard with a gunney and pick up the steam coal that bounced from the cars. Just pennies at the coal and ice, but just pennies is all you need in this world. Now the kids don’t bother with school anymore and they’re too close to the ground to have a chance against. They waste the money on their mothers. Until they grow up and the army harvests them like they did their dads a man’s got to find another way.

I’m a lucky fellow. There’s always another way for a lucky fellow.