Sippican’s Guide To Post-Irene Rumford And Brand Marketing In Education
The semi-mighty Androscoggin River rolls past my house on its way to the sea. The town of Rumford was founded to take advantage of the falls you see there. They’re the largest falls east of the Mississippi except for Niagara. Whoopdy. There’s a hydroelectric plant up there on the right, with a nice tangle of Frohnkhenshteen coils and such out by the road. It’s close enough to my house to make the hair on my arm stand up if I’m near the window, and yet somehow I pay some of the highest rates for electricity in the country. Ah, public utilities conjoined to “green” power.
The river was roaring yesterday. We’re used to it here in the spring, when the snow melts, but it’s unusual this time of year. It smelled unusual. It was the color of poorly mixed Bosco and smelled like the mulch aisle at Home Depot. Every once in a while a whole tree would bob past like a drinking straw.
The towns around here are piquantly named, and would serve to name a thousand bad rock bands. Ladies and gentlemen: MEXICO FIRE !!!!!
I don’t know what the “University College” is. I know no one will be playing softball next to their sign anytime soon.
“University College” reminds me of Blutarsky’s sweatshirt, or Doctor Nick’s “Upstairs Hollywood Medical College.” Personally, I think there’s a chance that all that name firepower isn’t going to be enough to get your average, or even below average Mainer off the couch (the one on the porch, natch)and into the classroom. Why chicken out halfway? Why not the University College Academy? The University College Academy School? The University College Academy School Institute? Hows about: The University College Academy School Institute Lyceum? We could go with: The University College Academy School Institute Lyceum, Truck Driving Asylum, Fill Dirt Conservatory, Storm Door Seminary, and Hairdressing Matriculatin’ Military School. Done.
See, I’m an idea man. I offer these nuggets up every day, like a racehorse. Take one and pass it around.
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