How To Paint Like Michelangelo

It’s easy. First, get some paint brushes. Pawn your chisels if you have to. You can do all your chiseling on the bills from now on. Then, find a pope. Most any pope will do. The ducats are always the same color. Then, select a ceiling. It’s easier and more lucrative to figure prices for your work by the acre than the square yard, so get a big one. If you have your choice of several ceilings, choose the highest one.  No one can see the brush marks on a house from the curb, and the same sort of thing goes for ceilings. Buy bigger brushes if you have to. Have forty plasterers on speed dial, of course. They’ll do all the hard work. You just have to lay on your back and daub at the ceiling when they’re done. You’re up about 70 feet above the floor. No one can tell if you’re giving the Libyan Sybil bloodshot eyes, or napping at that distance.

Okay, now give all the women big muscles and prehensile toes. Popes love that shite.

When, Exactly, Are We Going To Start Caring About Our Neighbors Again?

Venice, California is not mysterious to me, even though it’s 3,000 miles away. I lived down the street in Palms for a while back in the day, and I have relatives who live in Venice. Venice has gotten very much more upscale than it used to be, but it’s still like a lot of Los Angeles: Gated mansions connected by Skid Rows.

You could give every single person in this video a lecture, I suppose. No one does. I’ve seen the fellow that organizes these events, and he doesn’t pretend that nothing’s gone wrong to land so many people in this kind of trouble. He certainly asks blunt questions about drug use and so forth while he cuts hair. But he offers encouragement, and a sympathetic ear, not a diatribe. He tells the customers that he was just as bad off as they are, and got his life together, stopped doing drugs, got off the street, got married, and had some kids that he loves. He says that if he could do it, maybe you could do it too.

People’s lives, like a house, are not a destination. They’re a direction. You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re ever going to reach equilibrium. You’re either getting better, or getting worse. There’s a vanishingly small plateau in the center of the bell curve of life. It’s nice to see people helping their neighbors to move ever so slowly in the right direction. Who knows? Maybe they’ll keep going.

What’s the Difference Between Bagpipes and Trampolines?

You take your shoes off before jumping on trampolines.

Anyway, as I was saying when I was so rudely interrupted by several calendars, Sunny by Bobby Hebb is the Official Cover Song of the Twenty-Teens.

Now, time marches on, and has a tendency to step on my foot while it does it, but just because it’s not the twenty-teens anymore, doesn’t mean we’re not keeping score. Songs that are adapted for jazz bagpipes don’t grow on trees, and if they did, that tree would probably get cut down. Sunny on jazz bagpipes is certainly the strange fruit of that tree, to finish the mixed metaphor. Enjoy.

Rockabilly Faceoff

First, from France, the Spunyboys:

And in this corner, from Maine, Unorganized Hancock.

Er, I have a personal favorite for some reason.

The kids have a gig in Ogguster tonight. The drum set is now smaller, and the drummer is much, much bigger and can carry it himself, thank Jeebus.

Month: June 2023

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