Apparently, My Children Have Recorded The Second Best Version Of The Theme From Mondo Cane (More)

I often tell my children, who call themselves Unorganized Hancock when they’re performing music, that there’s no shame in being Number Two. Over the years the Sippican tribe has often been referred to as Number Two, by many people, and in many different fields of endeavor. It’s colored our outlook on life. People respect us because we’re Number Two, in a much more fundamental way than if we were Number One or something. I’ve often heard people caution others, “Look out, don’t step on number two,” which is a sure sign of respect, bordering on fear.

Anyway, when the Heir and the Spare recorded the Theme From Mondo Cane (More), I told them that was the most Number Two sounding thing I’d ever heard. I mean, it sounded like pure Number Two to my ear. It was that good. Bobby Darin was Number One with that song, so there’s no shame in immediately being called Number Two, kids. He’s dead, but he’s still good. I got to poking around on these here Intertunnels, making sure there weren’t any rivals for the Number Two title. I saw Frank Sinostril doing it, but even Nelson Riddle fell asleep halfway through that one. There was some sort of Portuguese fellow doing seventy-five versions of it, and I loved the way he seemed to exude his own hair gel, like a Lakers coach or something, but he’d have to get a lot better to reach the coveted Number Two echelon. Judy Garland did it back when she was still having an eyebrow pencil war with Joan Crawford to see who could influence drag shows in Provincetown, Mass. the most, but it seemed decidedly third-ish to my ear.

Then I found these two stalwart gentlemen, who knocked it right out of the park. It was a foul ball, but it cleared the fence. I think the trumpet turned blue because it’s holding its breath trying not to let any air out of the bell, but other than that, the production values are very high. I’ve suggested to my wife that we buy some of that furniture with mirrors where the wood is supposed to go, so that when the kids record videos in the dining room like these guys do, we can get a better look at the Number Two process while it’s happening. 

Anyway, we hope we are a magnanimous tribe, we Sippicans. We like to show courtesy to others. So it’s our pleasure to, for just one day, bestow this version of The Theme from Mondo Cane (More) with the honorary title of Number Two. It’s so very Number Two.