Once a year I like to offer the public the Sippican Cottage Basic Human Decency Test.
It’s free to take.
It’s not multiple choice.
It does not require a Number 2 Ticonderoga.
It’s an open book test. I suggest the 1967 Lewiston White Pages. You know, for the plot. But if you need to look anything up, you’ve failed already.
The test will be graded on a curve on the road I live on.
OK, are you ready? Open your examination books. You have two minutes and ten seconds to complete the test.
- Listen to the music video
- If it doesn’t make you smile, you fail
- You fail utterly
- You need a checkup from the neck up
- You need to go to a mental hospital to get an estimate
If you pass, you’re a fundamentally decent human being and you can go about your business. If you failed, I’m coming to look for you, and not with opera glasses, either. I pray that God will turn your hearts, but if he can’t, I hope he turns your ankles, so I can recognize you by the limping.
[Update: The paradigm for the Sippican Cottage Basic Human Decency Test is Kathleen M. from Connecticut, who religiously contributes to our PayPal button. There’s a statue of Kathleen in the Basic Human Decency Museum. Many thanks, and Merry Christmas!]
[Up Update: Many thanks and Christmas wishes go out to our friends Thud and Anh for supporting our boys. Their children are much better looking than ours, but we don’t hold it against them]
[Upper Update: Many thanks to Francis O., also from the UK, for his contribution to the boys’ efforts, and for his kind words. Merry Christmas!]