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Needs More Kantela

This is the greatest concert I’ve ever heard of. It makes Woodstock look like Monday night in a Chinese restaurant lounge in Milford, Mass. Don’t ask me how I know what that’s like.

This video gets pulled from YouTube faster than I can keep up with it. The video quality in this one is set on Etch-A-Sketch through a periscope, but you get the idea. The whole thing is sublime.

The main performers are a spoof. More to the point, they are a metaspoof. There’s layers to it. They are pretending to be Russians who are pretending to be American. They’re actually Finnish. If you know anything about Finland, you know how extraordinary this performance is. The concert in the video is from 1993. Think of that. Some Finns in a band called Sleepy Sleepers started mocking Mockba when the Soviet bear starting losing its fastball. Not long after, the Berlin wall came down and the world was a better place for everyone, especially Russians.

Finns and Russians fought some wars, I tell you what. What you’re watching is the implacable becoming placable. That’s a real Russian military band performing with Finns in downtown Helsinki. It’s glorious, every which way. To return to my comparison to Woodstock, it’s as if the National Guard from Kent State sang backup for Hendrix with Nixon conducting.

The band is the Leningrad Cowboys. I adore the description of the band in Wikipedia. Genre?

  • Comedy rock
  • Rock and roll
  • Hard rock
  • Heavy metal
  • Glam metal
  • Alternative metal
  • Industrial metal
  • Folk metal

That’s a lot of attempts to avoid admitting you have no idea what to call it.

Rock music is stupid. Stop blustering. Admit it. C’mon. You know in your heart I’m right. You just don’t want to admit it. Repeat after me: It’s stoopid.

Why can’t you just embrace it? It’s dumb, but it can be dumb fun. There’s no dumber fun than Happy Together by the Turtles. You can tell The Turtles were trying to stretch the limits of banality they could pawn off as a pop song. Me and you, and you and me… The Fluorescent Leech and Eddie knew rock was dumb, and they loved it, and they took it up a notch or three.

Finland’s a big place without many people in it. Essentially, the entire country went to this show. No one was claiming they were going to save the world with three chords and some caterwauling. They simply noticed the world had already been saved, and had a party. And that party was a stone groove.

Babble Of The Bends. Bateau Of The Blands. Baffle Of The Blends. Whatever

Bird Dog at Maggie’s Farm sent me a video of Lez Zeppelin.He heard them play live at his friend’s birthday party. He was smitten, or smote, or amused or something.

Of course, Bird Dog has learned many times that it’s dangerous to tell me something interesting, because it’s sure to immediately remind me of four things that are not interesting. This is not one of those times.

It’s time for a good old Battle of the Bands. We must determine what the finest substitute for Led Zeppelin might be. It is especially important to find a fine substitute for Led Zeppelin, because Led Zeppelin isn’t any good, and never was. If we don’t find an amusing substitute for them, we’re stuck listening to them.

Ladies and gentlepeople. Contestant One. Lez Zeppelin!

Pretty fair there. Not bad. A little too masculine for the subject material. I like my hard rock bands on the fruity side. They could all beat up Jimmy Page on his best day.

Next; Contestant Two. Legion of Rock Stars!

Now we’re getting somewhere. That brings something to the cover band table. It steals the salt shakers and half the silverware, and puts all the extra rolls in its pockets before it leaves, but while it’s there, it brings it. The trumpet is a nice touch. It insists upon itself. 
 

We’re going international now. The big guns. Contestant Number 3. Leningrad Cowboys!

Sublime. Sub-everything, now that I think of it. Cooler than a banker’s palm. Hotter than a babysitter. Dressed sharper than an Italian on payday. Gonna be hard to beat.

But I think Contestant 4 can do it. Ladies, Gentlemen, and everyone that uses the third bathroom at the commie bookstore in Portland, I give you Dread Zeppelin!



An Elvis impersonator in a reggae band doing Zeppelin covers. Admit it, you don’t hate them because they’re beautiful, you only hate them because you didn’t think of it first.

Well, let’s hear it in the comments, people. Who’s the greatest substitute for Led Zeppelin? Whoever wins, we’ve all already won, as we avoided listening to the subject material — actual Led Zeppelin music — which is uniformly dreadful.

So Vote! But remember: No wagering.

Leningrad Cowboys Go Mexico! AYYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYA!!!1!11!1

The Leningrad Cowboys have apparently made some sort of movie about racing in the Panamerica Rally in Mexico. Excuse me, I have to go buy a lawn chair and a thermos and a sleeping bag, and start camping outside the movie theater. Just in case the movie actually exists.

Or maybe that was the whole movie. I dunno. I was too excited and I started drinking really early today. In any case, in the words of the L. Cowboys themselves: “Thank you very many!”

Got Happy? No? Get Happy!

I am not officially out of the music business right now, as I am forced by my friends to perform two or three times a year. But “in” the music business now is kind of an exaggeration, too. I’m not sure where the instrument I generally play is located, exactly. It might be in my house.

If I was in a band right now, this would be it. I’m concerned however, that I might have to tone down my hairstyle and fashion sense or they wouldn’t let me in.

Abso-fargin-lutely genius here, and one more for our collection of outre covers of this chestnut:

Tag: Leningrad Cowboys

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