There is a magic place. It’s in a faraway land where they talk in little pictures and wear benches for shoes. I don’t know the name of this place, but it has a fried egg on the wall, and all they ever play there is Sunny by Bobby Hebb. That’s it. It’s like heaven on Earth for a guy like me. Well, except for the bass and drum solos, I mean. With thumb and slap bass, at that, another abomination. But still. Sunny ! I tried to translate the hieroglyphics on the YouTube page to see what this lost tribe

I hadn’t heard from Vasilis Xenopoulos in ages. Or about him. Or around him. Or something. As you have probably guessed, when I heard that Datfunk was playing at the Afrikana Bar, I immediately decided to drive on over there. Or fly on over there. I dunno, swim there, maybe. Anyway, as soon as I figure out where it is, I’m there. Well, in spirit. I know Datfunk is trying to lure me from my lair by featuring Vasilis Xenopoulos on the saxophone. What grown-up can withstand the gravitational pull of that? I ask you. Vasily, or Vaseline, or whatever

Mi dispiace, but the Montefiori Cocktail version of Sunny is so hot you need a fire distinguisher just to listen to it. This version is sure to plummet to the top of our listings of the Official Cover Song of the Twenty-Teens. This version is unparalyzed in the history of the song. These guys don’t sing through their noses, they sing using their diagrams like they teach you in mucus school. I’ll sing their praises until the undertaker reads my last will and tentacle. Monetefiori Cocktail

That’s not an orchestra. That’s hand-to-hand combat.There’s a battle for primacy between the trombones and trumpets than can only end in death or glory, like a bullfight or a school board meeting. They’re blowing into the wrong end of their instruments, including the piano, I think, as hard as they can, while slapping the person next to them the whole time. It’s glorious, in a way. By “in a way,” I mean it isn’t glorious at all. Elephants Gerald, as I used to call her, was one of the greatest singers the United States ever produced. She was so good