de fixer les objets longtemps sans etre fatigue

Genius.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I think it’s hilarious that if you want to swap a battery out of an Apple product, you walk up to a counter called a “Genius Bar” in one of their stores. Apparently the Fuhrer of Lake Wobegon has gotten his enabling act, and has annexed the whole United States now. I don’t have an opinion one way or another on the gaudy overpriced stuff they sell; but I’m not sure I could stand to be patronized in that fashion and keep a straight face. “Who’s the genius — you, or me? Both of us, of course!” I worked for many years with my younger brother, who is possessed of a sardonic wit. Whenever he was presented with any extravagant claim of the usefulness or value of any item, he’d pause for effect and say: “Yes, but is it premium?”

In politics, the word genius gets used quite a bit, but I notice that what the word they really mean to use is shameless. I really don’t know why they keep getting those two mixed up. The last two political geniuses I can think of are Hitler and Churchill. Thank god we got both at the same time. Other than that, for 75 years it’s been all workmanlike or incompetent; take your pick.

I’ve known my share of people equipped with plenty of raw intellectual horsepower. It mostly manifests itself on one side of the ledger, of course: words or numbers. Tremendous intellectual capacity at one thing is almost always accompanied by a loopy worldview and disastrous omissions in other parts of the intellect or personality. It’s always amusing to see people with an IQ of 110 point out that since they have the same personality failings as Einstein or Feynman, they must be geniuses. Sure. Just take drugs and throw up on yourself. That will make you Hendrix, too.

Napoleon described it as: de fixer les objets longtemps sans etre fatigue. The ability to concentrate on objectives for long periods without tiring. Of course, many people think that because they hit Refresh four hundred times on an Elvis figurine auction on E-bay that that must apply to them. Sorry, no.

There is a kind of stubborness in any genius, of course, but any fool can be stubborn. You can’t win fights solely by taking a beating. To couple insight with intelligence to see around a corner and identify things that are obscure to others — that is genius. It’s exceedingly rare, it seems, though many claim to see it everywhere, including while shaving. Any genius in a public school would be drugged to a stupor now, anyway. Perhaps it’s a waste of time to talk of them any more.

Churchill was described as having “a zigzag streak of lightning in the brain.” There, that’s it. Trust me; you don’t have it.

(Long Day’s Journey Into) Big Night

[Editor’s Note: Originally run two years ago. Seems timely still, which means he must still be a miserable failure at business.]
{Author’s Note: No, I’m a prescient writer, not a bad businessman! See, people? That’s why there is no editor. The guy has no clue}

It’s exceedingly hard to run a business.

I really don’t care what kind of business it is, either. They vary widely, of course, but they’ll all kick your ass. Digging ditches or personal shopper, makes no never-mind. If you’ve ever made out a Schedule C you know exactly what I’m talking about.

It’s hard to tell a story properly, too. Most entertainments are only modestly entertaining, — if that — and ephemeral. It’s a rare thing that endures for a good long time in the world of movies and music and art. The producers generally just throw everything at the wall to see what sticks. Most of what they throw at the wall actually should be hitting a fan, if you’ll pardon the mixed metaphor.

People are making their own fun with entertainment at this point. The reason people yell at the screen now instead of sitting in rapt attention are manifold, but the number one reason is the stuff on the screen isn’t very good; and like a buffet of tidbits, the audience is trying to fashion a plate of fun for themselves. The cook can’t seem to do it, so you do it yourself.

I watched a movie I’ve owned for a long time: Big Night. It’s on VHS, so I know I’ve had it a while. It’s a story about two Italian immigrant brothers trying to make a go of it in a restaurant in New Jersey in the 1950s. They are failing, and try to pull their business up from oblivion by hosting a celebrity for one “big night.” It’s both good entertainment and a good look at business. I don’t talk while it’s playing. It’s doing all the work for me.

Like the best kinds of distillations of the human condition, Big Night uses the plot device of splitting one person’s personality between two people, and having them rub up against one another. It’s a useful dichotomy for the examination of the business ethic. One brother, Segundo, is running a restaurant and concerned with the mercenary aspects of running a business; his older brother Primo is the brilliant cook, concerned with being an artist with his food. Neither is a complete person without the other. The back and forth between them, as they search for the balance between being true to themselves and earning a living is as fascinating a portrayal of what it means to be creative and make it pay as I’ve ever seen.

The movie works on many other levels, and I wonder if the authors of the play — as this movie is surely just a play with a camera pointed at it– would even acknowledge my appraisal of the one person split into two plot device. I think artists always have this rolling around in their minds without admitting it. They wish to deny their self promotion, as it seems to smack of commerce. But watch the credits roll by sometime. Even a little movie is a serious business. Let the artists indulge themselves with their imaginary aversion to filthy lucre. Like good manners, I don’t care why they say the right thing.

If you want to know what it is to be a brother, and an Italian, and an artist, and a businessman, and an immigrant, watch this movie. If you want to see why I never recovered from meeting my wife the very first time, look for the woman in the red dress at the final meal. Don’t get me wrong; that’s not her. My wife is prettier. Whether I am Primo or Segundo has yet to be determined.

Sometimes, when the Schedule C looks up at me from the desk, I wonder if I might try being Pascal, the brothers’ venal but engaging and successful competitor from down the street: “I am a businessman. I am whatever I have to be at any given time. Tell me what, exactly, are you?”

(Some salty language)

Watch it.

Ah, L’Amour, Indeed.

Sippican Cottage can neither confirm nor deny the appropriateness or veracity of these sentiments. Handle these sentiments with care. The behavior exhibited is not recommended by Sippican Cottage — nor any of his heirs, assigns, or proxies — for children under the age of seventy-four. No, those pants do not make you look fat. Contents might be hot. Do not try this at home. No rights reserved.

(I Wish I Was Playing) Bog Hockey

[Editor’s Note: Originally run a year ago. We’ve reduced our carbon footprint by not drinking an additional cup of coffee and thinking real hard and writing something new.]
{Author’s Note: I’m really just busy making furniture. I had his coffee. There is no editor.}

This picture is a lot older than I am. Probably thirty years older. But it is an exact rendering of my winter life in our little suburb — check that– exurb — check that — that word didn’t exist then– out in the sticks where we lived in the sixties.

I was born in Boston. When I was but small, we moved into the country. And my life was amazingly different from my cousins who remained in the city.

We didn’t have any money, really, but not so’s you’d notice. We lived in a little house on a little plot in a little neighborhood, and had little, salubrious lives. Our mother would turn us out of doors, no matter the season, and we’d take our battered belongings, pool them, and play self -organized sports. We’d sort out the teams, and the rules, and the size and shape of the playing surface, and rarely quarrelled, unless it seemed like more fun than playing any more. And we could have sorted out the Mideast thing, if they’d let us. Maybe their quarrelling is more fun than they let on.

In the summer, we’d play baseball, and have to mow the field before playing. Right field’s an out! In the winter, we’d play basketball in the elementary school gym. Shirts and skins. Onlookers were no doubt sorely tempted to play xylophone on many of the skins team’s ribs. Weight training was still far in the future. In the fall, we’d play tackle football in a cow pasture with no equipment. There were no hash marks or goal lines demarcated, of course, but in a field recently used by ruminant animals, those weren’t the things on the ground you would have been keeping an eye out for anyway. And in the winter, we’d dress in wool, gather our rusting hand-me-down skates that lacked steel toes, grab the sticks that were generally broken and discarded and then repaired with electrical tape, and we’d shamble on down to LaFleur’s Pond, and get up a game. The idea of actually owning and wearing a replica of the sweater worn by our local professional hockey team was as remote and mystical as a strawberry on the kitchen table in the winter.

We were always half frozen with the cold. We had no protective gear of any kind. Hell, at the time, there was only one professional hockey player who wore a helmet — Terrible Teddy Green– and he only wore it because he’d already had his head staved in from a stick fight, and needed to protect the steel plate in his head from any further persuasion. When we first started going to Boston Garden to see Bobby Orr’s mighty Bruins play, some of the goalies weren’t wearing masks yet.

The ice was never really frozen properly, one way or the other. If it was thick enough to be safe, it was so corrugated it would rattle your teeth out of your head. If it was fresh enough to offer a smooth surface, it was thin enough to drown you. We always skated anyway. If you got checked, you’d occasionally slide to the margins of the pond, get caught in the brambles reaching up through the ice, get tangled up, and fall in up to your waist, and you’d spend the rest of the day skating with your pants frozen to your legs. You wouldn’t stop.

“NO LIFTING!” you’d shout every time the more adept stickhandlers would get the puck up off the ice and crack your shins. We’d all readily and solemnly agree that there’d be no lifting, before we began each game, of course; some of us because we knew we were incapable of lifting it, and the others because they were incapable of not lifting it, so no one was much put out by the bargain.

We’d put two sticks five feet apart on the ice to mark out the goal, and get to it. Guys who never passed at basketball never passed at hockey either, we noticed. And they’d forever be taking shots from fifty yards from the goal, missing by fifty yards, and requiring a ticklish trip to the brambles to fetch the errant puck without swimming amongst the prickers.

When we got older, we’d fashion real nets out of scavenged lumber and chicken wire, and without fail we’d forget to fetch them off the ice in time for spring thaw, and we’d see them, on the bottom like scuttled privateers, winking at us beneath the new year’s ice.

I wanted to be a goalie, but had no equipment. My father drove an old Rambler Station Wagon. Underneath the carpet in the back, there was — check that — there originally was a layer of foam rubber.
My brother and I spent many a miserable car ride rolling around in the back of the car with only the thin carpet between us and the rivets and bolt heads because I cut the pad up into rectangles, wove olive drab straps from army surplus utility belts through slits in the foam, tied them to my legs, and played the net like that.

At the time, the Bruins had a goalie named Gerry Cheevers. He was cool. He wore a white plastic mask, and he’d draw the stitches he would have received had he not worn the mask right on it, in magic marker, adding one every time he got hit in the face. He looked fierce like that. Young boys like fierce. So I tried to fashion one for myself out of the plastic scavenged from a Clorox bottle, held on my head with an elastic band, and burned my face with the residue of the bleach. The plastic was as thin as a negligee, and wouldn’t protect me in any case; I didn’t care, I wore it anyway.

And some of the kids were real good. A few played college hockey. One played on the Olympic Team and the Bruins and is now an NHL coach. But by the time he had started coming around, there was a real rink next to the high school to play in. Real equipment started to show up. Right handed goalies didn’t use their brother’s left handed hand-me-down baseball glove and bleach bottle mask and Rambler foam as equipment. Time marched on, and the younger kid’s parents started getting up at 3:00 AM to make it to the rink for their allotted ice time, supplanting the older kid’s ritual: mothers sticking their heads out the back door when the light got weak and the sun skimmed the horizon, painting at the last only the very tops of the dormant oaks that ringed the pond with the winter dusk’s fire, shouting your name to call you to dinner.

My son played hockey on the Playstation once. Didn’t care for it.

Hydraulic License Rock (Slight Return)

[Editor’s Note: This originally ran 18 months ago. I’m shocked the YouTube video is still available. I imagined it would have been pulled and resulted in 45 lawsuits by now.]
{Author’s Note: There is no editor, and he’s really starting to bug me.}

The quality of this YouTube feed is better than most. The quality of the music is too:

That’s Cream re-united and performing “White Room,” probably their best known song. I’ve watched it many times. It occurs to me that it explains a lot about rock music.

Those are old men. Eric Clapton, playing the black stratocaster, has his hair mussed just so as a sop to youth, but they’re old farts. Old farts playing rock music are lame. Cream is not. Here’s why:

The term rock music has been twisted and stretched to cover just about any set of noises organized to sell discs. It’s as if forty or fifty years ago a religion was founded, and you had to get the A and R rabbis at the record companies and radio stations to announce you were kosher, ie: rock and roll, to be consumed.

If there’s anything lamer than old, bald men in spandex still yelping about the discontents of teenagers as if they were still in junior high, I haven’t seen it. “Hope I die before I get old” only stirs the blood if the blood doesn’t require Geritol. You’re not allowed to pick that gauntlet back up and complain about your backache while doing so, too.

Performers used to acknowledge that their shelf life as young rebels “fighting the man” was short, and if they wanted to keep performing afer it expired, they’d have to become part of the nostalgia industry. Listening to Peter Frampton in 1976 is excusable. Listening to Peter Frampton to remind you of 1976 is excusable. Listening to Peter Frampton as anything else is kinda silly.

Cream is a part of a tradition of adult music. they listened to music from America’s black musical tradition, where it is was plenty acceptable to be an adult, and consider adult themes. When they were young, they were striving to be old. Now they are old, and need not strive.

I watched them, and knew that I had seen their like before; but not where you’d think. They were operating their machinery, and I had seen men operate familiar machinery before. I’ve known many men, skilled in the rough arts: masonry and concrete finishing and excavation and demolition and blasting–men past their physical prime, but still tough as nails, and wise; and able to leave any three youngsters in their dust.

They sit in the chair in the excavator, and their knobby hands move the levers just so, and they move the bucket with the delicacy of the teaspoon. They wake up tired, and yet they never tire while working, because they husband their energies where the young and strong and dumb flail away and drop out.

They stand in the shade whenever possible, and rest when it is offered, but do not flag.

They smile at one another at the end of the day’s work, exactly the same smile exchanged at the end of this song; a knowing smile among those who have earned the respect of a fellow adult man.

And the young men watch them and learn.

Month: January 2008

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