Angular Pegheads Sound Good to Me

Is Ted Koppel counting down the Sunny days on Nightline yet? Is there a sign next to the eyewash station that reads:

I’m just warming up, really. I’ve outlasted the entire Internet before, you know. I hear the mechanized hum of another, Sunny-er world. Where the sun is shining, but no red lights flashing. Here in this darkness, I know what I’ve done. I know all at once who I am. I am the guy that’s making Sunny into the Official Cover Song of the Twenty-Teens.

The Disco Version of Sunny Is Almost Like Music. Almost

Of course Sunny by Bobby Hebb can’t be considered for the title of the Official Cover Song of the Twenty-Teens unless it has truly universal appeal. Unlike some people, Sippican Cottage does not discriminate against Polyester-Americans. I have a dream: I think people should be able to walk down any street in this great land while wearing a Qiana shirt without being subjected to giggling or cutting remarks. Polyester-Americans are people, too.

For too long, Polyester-Americans have lived in the shadows, their cries for respect drowned out by Boney M extended dance mixes, their faces illuminated only occasionally by an errant ray from a disco ball. They were forced to drink out of their own champagne fountains, and transact all their commerce in the rest rooms. It’s time we allowed Polyester-Americans the right to proudly tread the sunny uplands of society in their stack heels and unstructured white dinner jackets!

Sunny Needs a Real Bass Player Real Quick

With all due respect to Ron Carter, who was accompanying Bobby Hebb in the first Sunny video we posted, we need some greezy bass playing in our Sunny covers. The Official Cover Song of the Twenty-Teens needs more bottom, I say. Not sure about cowbell. Jamiroquai’s somewhat nameless bass player, from their performance at what I gather is a live show at Covent Garden in Londinium in 2000, is certainly gittin her dun.

Jamiroquai is my kind of band. They’re not anything. They’re everything. I tried to figure out who was playing the bass on this recording. It looks like Nick Fyffe, who was amusingly on his way to apply for a job in a Jamiroquai tribute band when Jamiroquai called him and asked him to join.

Jamiroquai’s Wikipedia page lists a didgeridoo player that was in the band for seven years. That’s a good gig for a didgeridoo player. If you’re driving on a deserted West Texas highway, and you see a dead armadillo and a dead didgeridoo player squashed flat in the middle of the road, what’s the main difference between them?

Well, there’s a slight possibility that the dead armadillo might have been on his way to a paying music job when he got run over.

Robert Mitchum Here

Listen, youse. Every motherloving one of ya. Don’t make me tell you twice or there’s gonna be trouble. My kind of trouble. Bad trouble. Listen up. Sunny by Bobby Hebb is the Official Cover Song of the Twenty-Teens, and don’t you forget it, lover.

This isn’t some making nice with Deborah Kerr in some picket fence movie guy talking now. This is Max Cady you’re speakin’ with. Sunny is IT, brother, and don’t let me hear nothing from nobody that says different — or I’m coming for you, I’m coming for your dog, I’m coming for your wife, I’m coming for your whole family. Sunny. Get it through your thick skulls. Yeah, I’m talking to you.

So Sunny. So Very Sunny

You know, when Jessica Jung left SNSD in 2014, I was worried that Taeyeon, Sunny, Tiffany, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Sooyoung, Yoona and Seohyun wouldn’t be able to soldier on and deliver the South Korean version of Sunny by Bobby Hebb that I needed to prove to the naysayers that the song is officially the Official Cover Song of the Twenty-Teens. The depth of feeling and intensity in this version makes it official, I think, that Sunny is officially the Official Cover Song of the Twenty-Teens. At least unofficially, of course.