I Don’t Gots No Wikipedia Page

If you knew me — I mean, really knew me — you’d know how much I adore a merengue version of a Kraftwerk song.

But you don’t know me. How could you? There is no Wikipedia page for Sippican Cottage.

But then again, what would it say? It’s a brand of furniture! No, it’s a guy, not a building. He once taught Frisbee at a state college, but now he writes flash fiction guaranteed to make you reach for the laudanum.

But wait! Don’t answer! Sippican Cottage is a blog! NO! It’s a guy that writes humor. He used to be a bass player, but now he publishes a faux newspaper in Uppastump, Maine. I’m beginning to think Sippican Cottage is both a dessert topping and a floor wax!

So I’m not sure I want a Wikipedia page, unless it’s like the one  Uwe Schmidt’s got. Uwe Schmidt, AKA Senor Coconut, AKA:

Candy Ballsak
Almost Digital
Atom™
Atom Heart
Atomu’ Shinzo
BASS
Bi-Face
The Bitniks
Brown
Bund Deutscher Programmierer
CMYK
Coeur Atomique
DATacide (a collaboration with Tetsu Inoue)
The Disk Orchestra
Don Atom
DOS Tracks
Dots
Dr. Atmo
Dr. Mueller
Dropshadow Disease
Erik Satin
Flanger (a collaboration with Burnt Friedman)
Flextone
Fonosandwich

Geeez ‘N’ Gosh
Gon (a collaboration with Dandy Jack)
HAT (a collaboration with Haruomi Hosono and Tetsu Inoue)
H. Roth
i
Interactive Music
Jet Chamber (a collaboration with Pete Namlook)
Lassigue Bendthaus
Le Diapason
Lisa Carbon
Lisa Carbon & Friends
The Lisa Carbon Trio
Los Negritos
Los Sampler’s
Machine Paisley
Masters of Psychedelic Ambiance (a collaboration with Tetsu Inoue)
Midisport
Mike Mc Coy
Millennium
Mono™
M/S/O

+N (a collaboration with Victor Sol)
Naturalist
Ongaku
Pentatonic Surprise
Pornotanz
Real Intelligence
The Roger Tubesound Ensemble
Schnittstelle
Second Nature (a collaboration with Tetsu Inoue and Bill Laswell)
Semiacoustic Nature
Señor Coconut
Silver Sound
Slot
Softcore
Soundfields
Subsequence
Superficial Depth
Surtek Collective (a collaboration with Original Hamster)
Synthadelic
Urban Primitivism
VSVN
Weird Shit

Now that guy could give my Wikipedia page a run for the money. It says here that “He is often regarded as the father of electrolatino, electrogospel and acitón (acid-reggaeton) music.” Pretty sweet, that. But me? Moi? Don’t say Sippi can’t, because Sippi can compete with that. After all, I’m the father of Buddy Holly inflected Minecraft inspired kid-rock cover music; and I also used to sing That’s Amore with dirty lyrics in a Beach Boys tribute band.

I will, however, struggle to ever top Senor Coconut’s version of Riders on the Storm. But I’m young, and I’ll keep trying. (Notice: At least one of the girls in following video forgot their shirt. I’m told some persons that I don’t know object to that)