Back When I Was In High School, We Tied Onions To Our Wide Leather Belts That Held Up Our Plaid Flared Pants, Which Was The Style At The Time, And Elton John Played Piano And We Had A Baritone Sax On Our Rock Records, And That’s The Way It Was, And We Liked It

You couldn’t get white onions, because of the hostage crisis. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…

I remember those girls. They wouldn’t give me the time of day. Eventually, once in a while, their younger, prettier sisters waited in line to get my autograph.