It Doesn’t Work

I love the Internet.

I wouldn’t write if it wasn’t for the Internet. The WYSIWYG editor and cut and paste and so forth made it exactly as easy as it had to be, or I wouldn’t do it. I’m hardly lazy, but I’m impatient.

The Internet doesn’t work. I’m sorry to break it to you, but it’s a cobbled together mess, and it was cobbled together by a very informal committee of persons who indulge their own bizarre tastes and wonder why everyone doesn’t want to run their own lives from the command line in Linux.

I don’t know, why doesn’t everyone smelt their own tin to use as solder for the circuit boards they’re making for themselves?

I try to keep up with the Internet, because it’s kinda my job now. So like a fool I downloaded Firefox 3 instead of waiting for its final release. And I woke up this morning, and Flash video is off my menu.

It’s a sort of encapsulation of the whole affair for me. It’s like the Interweb version of the low-flow toilet. I’m told about all the very important and cutting edge things that my toilet now does, because some addle-headed bureaucrat got a notion that we were running out of water everywhere, of all things. I’ve noticed however high-tech my toilet might be, there’s still a turd in there after I flush it. Seven times.

Flush, Flash, it’s all starting to look the same to me. It doesn’t work for no good reason. Flash video is the format for YouTube videos, and my little widget advertisement with the slideshow of tables over in the right hand column, and a lot of other stuff. And the current version of Flash doesn’t work with Firefox 3.

I’m not looking for advice on what to do here. I could expunge Flash from my hard drive, (make sure you don’t have applications open with Flash in their cache!) go to Adobe, find an older version of Flash, download and install it, reinstall Firefox 3, and it would probably all work. That’s a full time job for a long time, and I’ve got better things to do.

There is a great tech reckoning coming. I can feel it. The great mass of people are going to rise up and demand that the pasty, doughy, porn-addled, copyright infringement fetished, anonymity fascinated, Bill Gates-hatin’ dorks that bang on the Internet like a blind cobbler’s thumb stop fooling around and make the damn thing work. You’re all mechanics –bad ones — not CEOs. The sooner you’re making 35 grand in a cubicle out back and people that understand that the process is not the product are put in charge, the better off we’ll all be.