Hey, Anyone Want To Go Halfsies On a Whole Town in Maine?

Alright, I’ll come clean. It’s not the whole town. It is, however, 40 acres with 21 buildings on it in Pittston, Maine. You can buy the whole thing for 5.5 million bucks. Come on, let’s do it!

Alright. Now you come clean. You figure this is another of my crack-brained schemes to buy property with impromtu skylights in the roof, and wild animals roosting inside. I’ll admit that’s my usual M.O., but not this time. Every single one of those buildings looks immaculate. Viz:

This isn’t a Potemkin village, either, with a bunch of false fronts with a trailer park behind it. The interiors are  sweet:

Even the minor buildings are perfect.

This is like being offered Colonial Williamsburg or Mount Vernon or something. And it’s not located in to hell and gone Maine, either. It’s just outside Gardiner, and an easy commute to the sweet little burgh of Hallowell and the state capitol, Ogguster.

Plenty of parking for your Chevy or your Clydesdale, depending on how you roll:

The local church is handy. You know, if you’re a Congregationalist. You’ll own the church, which is a good way to avoid having the minister preaching against anything in your particular stock portfolio. I think all the damn dirty Papists will have to commute to nearby Augusta, to pray for that brown patch in the lawn to be healed.

So the whole shebang is for sale for about the cost of two of those monstrosities we’ve been mocking recently.

America has become a place where people know the price of everything and the value of nothing. This place is Exhibit A, your honor. It’s been on the market for years, with no takers. It’s amazing, and no one wants it.

Oh, by the way. One more thing. About my offer to go halfsies in the title. While it’s true enough, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel I should specify that your half of the bargain is to bring 5.5 million dollars. My half of the proceedings is to meet you half way to Pittston and pick up the dough.

See 83 pictures of Tut Hill in Pittston here.

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