Alright, I’ll come clean. It’s not the whole town. It is, however, 40 acres with 21 buildings on it in Pittston, Maine. You can buy the whole thing for 5.5 million bucks. Come on, let’s do it!
Alright. Now you come clean. You figure this is another of my crack-brained schemes to buy property with impromtu skylights in the roof, and wild animals roosting inside. I’ll admit that’s my usual M.O., but not this time. Every single one of those buildings looks immaculate. Viz:
This isn’t a Potemkin village, either, with a bunch of false fronts with a trailer park behind it. The interiors are sweet:
Even the minor buildings are perfect.
This is like being offered Colonial Williamsburg or Mount Vernon or something. And it’s not located in to hell and gone Maine, either. It’s just outside Gardiner, and an easy commute to the sweet little burgh of Hallowell and the state capitol, Ogguster.
Plenty of parking for your Chevy or your Clydesdale, depending on how you roll:
The local church is handy. You know, if you’re a Congregationalist. You’ll own the church, which is a good way to avoid having the minister preaching against anything in your particular stock portfolio. I think all the damn dirty Papists will have to commute to nearby Augusta, to pray for that brown patch in the lawn to be healed.
So the whole shebang is for sale for about the cost of two of those monstrosities we’ve been mocking recently.
America has become a place where people know the price of everything and the value of nothing. This place is Exhibit A, your honor. It’s been on the market for years, with no takers. It’s amazing, and no one wants it.
Oh, by the way. One more thing. About my offer to go halfsies in the title. While it’s true enough, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel I should specify that your half of the bargain is to bring 5.5 million dollars. My half of the proceedings is to meet you half way to Pittston and pick up the dough.
See 83 pictures of Tut Hill in Pittston here.
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2 Responses
You had me at the carriage house, sealed by the sugar house. All I need is the 5 million. As a 20 year VT veteran I suspect you have winter there with white stuff and very cold temps, so I’m right out. It looks to be a museum of early America. Maybe a colony in the rebuild of America in the future?
Tell you what…I’ll kick in my entire net worth, including both of my slide rules (the plastic one I used plus my dad’s old bamboo one), in exchange for the smaller house, and a promise to do the yard work if you’ll pick up the expenses for the maintenance material like the riding lawnmower. Mowing that expanse with my little 20″ push machine would probably take me several days, at which point I’d just have to start over.
Heck, I’ll even do the winter precipitation rearrangement if you’ll provide the snowblower and gas.