As The Jaded Pornographer Used To Say, I’m Running Out Of Places To Put It

What an appetite for denying objective reality the media has. I’m forced to read the local papers now, something I haven’t done in many years. They have run story after story about the “snowless winter.” As I understand it, it’s been entirely caused by my stubborn refusal to remove the three 100 watt incandescent bulbs I have in the basement. The waste heat from those babies got the temperature down there almost warm enough to get the CFL in the fourth socket to emit a little light. I apologize unreservedly.

Of course the part of the snowless winter that stubbornly refuses to show up is a lack of snow. A local school has already announced the kids have to stay later in June to make up for all the missed days. Of course the story said that even though there was no snow, it sure did snow a lot.  It may not have been a very snowy winter… is the opening line of the story. I’ve read a hundred of these.

We trick-or-treated in eight inches of snow. But that’s the fall! It doesn’t count. It’s snowed more or less continuously for the last week, but I guess that doesn’t count for some other reason.

I’ve been here for three winters now. This is the most snow now on the ground there’s been for all three on this date. It’s average for around here. I didn’t move to Maine expecting it not to snow. One grows weary of being told you’re shoveling four inches of partly cloudy, though.

[Update: Monday’s local paper says: “Warm weather bumps big-air competition to Sunday at Black Mountain in Rumford”.  The observed temperature in Rumford, Maine for Saturday March 3rd: 37 degrees Farenheit. The average historical daytime high in Rumford, Maine for March 3rd? 37 degrees Farenheit.]