Microsoft = Lame

Microsoft is lame.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing I dread more than clicking on anything and seeing the little apple icon, or god forbid, accidentally launching a pdf. If you read anything on the Internet, Ron Paul is going to be president, Linux is the default operating system, and “Microsoft anything” is the devil. Out in the real world where stuff gets done, you never see anything but the devil.

But Microsoft’s lameness is legendary, and it’s very real. It’s a showbiz venue, the tech biz is, and they’re Shecky Green to the other tech company’s Lenny Bruce. I don’t know why they don’t embrace it. I don’t care whether you like the Apple commercials or not, but if you’re the interviewer for any job in the real world you’d hire the guy on the left every time.

Now Microsoft is tired of being lame. They announce that they’re making a push to be hip. But once a Bodine, always a Bodine. Lame people are lame because they are lame. Hip is superficial, but lame goes right to the bone. If you’re a dork, you unerringly pick out the worst thing in any array. You’re in an Armani store, and your mom (snicker)tells you to pick out anything you want, and you find a Members Only jacket. You can’t help yourself.

I can just see the meeting where the nerds at Microsoft say: We’ve got to get hip! That Seinfeld show is just the bees knees!

To paraphrase George Costanza, Seinfeld is just an old man sending soup back at a deli at this point.

A million years ago, in Internet years, anyway, Microsoft had the best commercial on television. Beautiful, a little strange, engaging. Remember Bill Plympton?

Kliban’s dead. Hire Plympton again, you dorks. Seinfeld will be too busy playing shows at the Melody Tent for retirees to make your commercials much longer, anyway.