Tradition That Captures The Imagination


That’s the wall in Winston Churchill’s schoolroom at Harrow.

There are public figures that capture the imagination. Many people inhabit the dreary world where politicians are the only people they consider important. Yecch. I suppose back when politicians were generally private citizens that dropped what they were doing to sort out the affairs of their nation, until they could do their Cincinnatus act and go back to their plow, that made some sense. Even if it’s an act, like Eisenhower’s protestations of indifference to the charms of importance, I prefer it to the modern version — never done anything their whole lives that doesn’t involve a government sinecure. George Washington wasn’t exactly a shrinking-violet man-of-the-people, but I really do get the impression that he held his nose for eight straight years and put up with being President. I can’t picture George Washington as a lifer in politics tapping his foot funny in a Men’s Room.

There’s a brace of men that captivate almost everybody. Teddy Roosevelt. Mark Twain. Lawrence of Arabia. Albert Einstein. Maybe the king of them all is Winston Churchill. The guy was endlessly interesting.

Oh, yes — the picture I offered of the wainscot wall in Churchill’s schoolroom at Harrow. Harrow is a “public school,” which means it’s a private school. Welcome to England, and English.

I like tradition. I’m not a reactionary. It’s not the same thing.

The word “harrow” no doubt refers to the ancient farm implement for tilling the soil. Children were a crop to be cultivated; the perfect metaphor for school. Allowed to grow, yes, but pruned as well as nurtured. Sometimes, even in very straitlaced circumstances, that growth is allowed to run its tendrils outside the pot it’s in. Carving your name on the wall would come under that heading. Perhaps not encouraged. Overlooked with a wink, more likely.

The very word “wainscot” is ancient beyond reckoning. A wain is a type of wagon with splayed sides used on a farm. Wooden wheels would have to be angled in at the bottom to work properly without any bearings on the axle. The wain’s sides would be splayed out to make the most use of the space between the wheels and carry as much as possible. Medieval woodworking used split, not sawn wood, especially oak, so a wain was a board wide enough for a farm cart’s side, and eventually gave it its name. And in its turn, wide boards to line the lower half of the walls of a room took their name from the side of the cart they resembled: wainscot. Tradition.

When I was young, I haunted a very old-school library. It still looked just like this photo:

The tables were made of white oak, hard as a banker’s heart and dark as a politician’s soul. And ever square inch of them had someone’s name carved in it. Most of the work was done by digging at the surface with the tip of a ballpoint pen. It took forever to make any impression in the unyielding surface. But so many people had done it, overlapping each other and eventually working on a layer of existing names, that the tops began to look like a kind of inkstained black coral. It was impossible to write on a piece of paper placed on the surface. You had to place a pad of some sort under your work. It was magnificent.

I returned to the library 25 years after I had practically lived in there. The tables were gone, replaced with nondescript rectangles and inelegant chairs that looked like they belonged in an officepark lunchroom. No one has defaced them with infinitely interesting whorling cicatrices. The tables themselves are a defacement, and so no one bothers to ruin them with their runes.

The beloved temple of words of my youth can no longer produce a Churchill; but you could take out Ishtar on VHS in there now. Which is nice.

Holding It Back

It’s a solitary thing, to write. I hole myself up in a place that’s illegal to put a murderer in –too small. But you have to get away from the wrong kind of noise. Cicadas are OK. The wheezing of the refrigerator cycling on and off is not. A lawnmower four blocks away is delightful. Next door makes you dream of slitting throats.

My wife looks after the workmen. All their noises are foul. They get up too early and still smell of last night’s revelry sometimes. They swear loudly as their feet crunch noisily in the gravel of the driveway, thinking that by some magical transubstantiation of time and space they’re not brutes if they only swear outside where the woman ain’t. They remind me of a pack of dogs, only not as clean.

All save one. I watch him. I can’t write while they’re knocking around the place, so I started to watch out of boredom and frustration. There is one guy…

I don’t know how to explain it, though explaining it is my business. No, that’s not right. I obfuscate to fill the pages. I do describe, though. How to describe him?

He’s not like the others. It’s the best I can do. I made a serious error once, and they noticed me looking and started talking to me. The fetid gravy of my money being wasted was basted on the banal essence of their interests. I retreated. I watched from afar.

You didn’t need to be close to see he was different. He never spoke but to make himself understood. He pointed to things with his index finger, but never pointed to a person that way. I wonder if anyone but me ever noticed that. The beasts that were his brethren never noticed anything.

He seemed to be in charge in a way I’ve never seen. Maybe in the military it’s that way, when the Lieutenant is getting everyone killed, including himself, and the Sargent starts to point the way infererentially. The ideas must not seem to come from you, just appear in the ether.

He was not in charge in name. He was just one of them. The fellow in charge was never there except to apply verbal emollients to my wife and extract a payment from me. But when he left, they all looked to the quiet man.

How did he do it? I couldn’t look straight at them. But even if I could, I don’t think I would be able to get it. People yammer in team-building exercises in conference rooms about leading by example, but they are like teenage boys talking about grown women. It’s academic what you’d do.

I became obsessed with the idea. Why did this fellow command others’ respect? Not fear, or affection, not even interest –respect. Why did they defer to his judgment without even knowing it? Who taught this man? Is it on a shelf somewhere, a plebeian Eliot’s five foot shelf of books?

The others always left five minutes early. He’d poke around their work, dropped where it stood, and move it here a bit so it wouldn’t fall over. He’d turn their plane irons on their side. Sweep the little blocks away from underfoot for the next day. It was like watching a calloused Jeeves tidying a Wooster’s room without seeming to expend any effort. Extraordinary.

“Good afternoon.”
“Yes, it’s certainly that.”
“I’ve been watching you.”
“You have paid the band. It’s your tune.”
“You have a way about, you; it’s interesting.”
“Everyone…”

There was a certain kind of a pause. I’d picked up on it. An insuck of breath, almost inaudible. A kind of weariness? I don’t know.

“Everyone has a way about them, sir.”
“My name is David. Call me David, please.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I wanted to ask you how…”
“Yes?”
“How it is you do it.”
“Do what, sir?”
“What you do; I’m not sure how to encompass the whole question in one question. The others, they look to you for what to do. They watch you all the time and you bend them to your will.”
“I do nothing of the sort, sir.”
“I’ve watched you. You might not know it, but you do.”

There was another slight insuck of breath. I didn’t know what to expect. I shouldn’t have confronted him, perhaps, but I had to get this on paper or the whole month was a loss. My wife would have her house and I’d have blank foolscap pile. I could get something out of this, easy.

“Have you ever seen Lawrence of Arabia, sir, when Lawrence is shot at the train?”
“You mean the movie? No, we don’t go to movies. I read the Seven Pillars of Wisdom in school.

There was another insuck of breath.

“Do you know Elvin Jones, sir?”
“The drummer?”
“Yes, that’s him.”
“What’s he got to do with Lawrence of Arabia?”
“Nothing, sir, I expect. But it’s like him.”
“I don’t follow you. You’re a musician, too?”
“I am not. But you see, when Elvin Jones is playing the ride cymbal. Do you know it?”
“I must admit I don’t follow you.”
“You see, it just sizzles. It sizzles with a kind of power. “
“But it’s quiet. He just touches it.”
“No. Don’t you understand, he’s bringing his arm down, every time, as hard as he can — and at the same time, he’s holding it back, holding it back, but not quite as hard as he’s hitting it, and the leftover hits the cymbal.”

And then he took his hammer out of the holster, and plunged it into the wall next to my head.

Chick Flick

I’m not subjected to chick flicks much. My wife is a perfectly sensible person, and is not in need of much “Sisters Gettin Their Groove Of The Ya Ya Yanni Ripped Bodice You’ve Got E-Mail You’ve Got She-Male Altar of Andie MacDowell A River And A Spotted Liver Runs Through It.” She’s not much interested in westerns either, whether they’re of the John Wayne variety or the more recent cuddlin’ cowboys. Thank the lord.

But then again, she’s not all that interested in watching “Lawrence of Arabia” or “The Godfather” over and over again either. Chicks are like that. I guess. What the hell do I know about it?

But if I had to point out a chick flick, and say convincingly it’s both good and estrogeny, could I do it? No fair saying “Groundhog Day.” Everybody likes that one. It’s like saying your favorite book is the Bible during a presidential debate. Yeah, sure it is. I bet you read it when you’re in the bathroom and at the beach, too. Yeah, guys like “Groundhog Day” too, but all in all, we’d rather watch Sonny Corleone hit his brother-in-law with a garbage can lid. Again.

OK, so you hold a gun– or perhaps, a curling iron –to my head: pick a chick flick that’s good and chicks like.

That’s easy. “To Sir, With Love”. And the music’s good too:

You can make a lot of money making bar bets about who sang that one. Take action all night long on Petula Clark and Shirley Bassey, and then clean up when you tell them it’s Lulu. It’s the best kind of trivia question, too; everyone has a guess, and everyone that guesses wrong says: “Of course!” when you reveal the answer, not: “Who?”

Why is “To Sir, With Love” a chick movie you ought to watch, especially if you’re a chick? Because it’s about becoming a woman,and doing so by shedding all the infantile delusions young girls have about being an adult, and really being one. Let’s face it, if this movie was made today, the teenage girl Judy Geeson played would blossom as a woman by sleeping with the teacher, that handsome Sidney Poitier. That’s icky all around, and forty years ago, they knew that. Do you think you’d find this quote in a movie today:

I am tired of your impudence, rough behavior, and sluttish manner. There are certain things a decent woman keeps private. If you must play these disgusting games, DO THEM IN YOUR OWN HOME AND NOT IN MY CLASSROOM!”

It’s important that people barely grown don’t think they’re being adults by doing adult things in a childish way. Why chicks put up with movie after movie of old men trying to cadge one last blast of jerky adolescence out of the world at young girls’ expense, like vampires, and watching young women submit to such indignities as an entre to adult society, is beyond me. I don’t much care for the obverse of that seedy coin either– old broads trying to find one last landscaper to sleep with them before they swap the G string for Depends. Double ick.

Back when they made this movie, people could still write sophisticated lyrics with a sort of narrative in them– neither a sermon nor a simple exhortation to nihilism — and people still knew how to sing them. And as you watch little Lulu belt it out, you can hear her gratitude and admiration for the man that allowed her to be an adolescent while coaxing her into being a real, adult, woman. A woman person.

Yeah; it’s a chick flick. Chicks are people too, ain’t they?

Tag: Lawrence of Arabia

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