Great Moments in Maine Real Estate: Ocho

Well, we’re back again with a roundup of interesting things from Maine real estate listings. I’m using the word “interesting” in the same way your psychiatrist does when you tell them some weird thing you dreamed. “That’s interesting, ” they’ll say, and up your prescription for Lithium.

Maine is getting less interesting since I moved here. The landscape used to be adorned with many more abandoned houses,  chock-a-block full of interesting things. Now the whole state has been flipped, just about. Every floor is gray, every wall is gray, every exterior is gray plastic. It’s a form of mental illness, but it ain’t interesting.

On to today’s batch of Maine architectural wonderments:

You know, duct tape is pretty handy stuff. And Lincoln Logs are fun to play with.But I’m not sure I’d trust a combination of the two materials to hold up the first floor. The electrical wiring is interesting, though, ain’t it?

If you’ve ever been a landlord, you know that one constant with all tenants is they love to paint the walls in their apartments, and they always select something interesting. However, few achieve the coveted Mondrian corner.

Nothing says romance like a spray of plastic flowers on a bar table with a couple of stools tucked in the corner of a basement on a concrete floor under an unfinished drywall ceiling, with the wall painted arctic blue-gray. That’s a pellet stove, by the way, and the top doesn’t even get warm, so putting a cast iron kettle on top to humidify the room is an interesting idea.

I had to do a bit of a double take there. Is that Hondo hisself in the corner? I’ve watched a lot of movies with the Duke in ’em, but I don’t remember any where he encouraged anyone to play frisbee golf. Maybe they only have that one on Tubi.

This is what happens when you hire Charlotte Bronte to decorate your house instead of Martha Stewart. Instead of quartz countertops and luxury vinyl flooring, she spends the whole budget on an impromtu calaboose in the attic to hide away your crazy first wife. You know, instead of putting her on reality TV like everybody does now. The crutches tucked into the rafters are an interesting touch.

There’s no ambiance like “bare light bulb” ambiance, is there? I call this decorating motif “Sleep here now, interrogation later.”

Well, everybody, that’s it for this batch of Great Moments in Maine Real Estate. Feel free to vote for your favorite in the comments, but please: no wagering. And don’t forget to have an interesting day!