I’ve Been Kissed By Aunt Rose On The Grapes

I never could figure out what the fellow with smallpox and the hot wife was singing about when the original version of this song used to dribble out of the Muzak speakers back in the day. It was like an earworm Rorschach Blotch. And this karaoke version making the rounds of the So Bad It’s Good Interverse isn’t helping in the forensic lyric investigation department, either.

I’ve been kicked in the groin and the taint

Believable, but I don’t think so.

I’ve been flicked on my nose in Green Bay

Prolly not.

I’ve been licked like a pole in a tent

Unlikely.

I’ve been pissed since a quarter to eight

Sounds closer.

I play whist with Tebow and crochet

Getting colder, I think.

I coexist with a goy in Bombay

It shows a spirit of diversity, but I don’t think it’s accurate.

I have a cyst on my hip, Beyonce

That one right there. I don’t care if it’s right. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.

(Don’t miss Pavarotti at 1:26. HORK!)