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A Man Who Has Nothing In Particular To Recommend Him Discusses All Sorts of Subjects at Random as Though He Knew Everything

Sippican Cottage Readers Are Cautioned That It’s Time For The Hurricane Smith Preparedness Drill

You’ll need batteries for your transistor radio, so you can scan the dial looking for Hurricane Smith songs to pass the time. Make sure you’ve got plenty of milk, to mix with cognac and some other stuff to make your lo-fat Brandy Alexanders, in case Harry Nilsson and John Lennon come over. You should probably head over to Home Despot and get some plywood to put over all your windows; if your disco ball sends its reflections outside the house, you might attract ships at sea. Better to keep them in your living room, accenting the flocked wallpaper and the patterned mirror tiles on one wall. Your Peter Max poster looks best that way, too.

Don’t forget to stow your faux fur throw rugs, to expose your peel and stick parquet flooring in all its glory. Your stack heels will keep you up out of the raging water if you have sound footing. You’ll need candles, of course — but you’ve already got several dozen arranged around your papasan chair love nest. Fire them up with your Colibri coffee table lighter, and invite some storm-tossed lovely over. Don’t light the fondue pot until she’s in the building, or it’ll get gummy. Better have a doobie hanging around too; you’re not that charming. You’re no Hurricane Smith.

4 Responses

  1. It woulda' been a Category Five storm's worth of awesomeness if the NOAA folks had eschewed "Sandy" and selected "Smith" for the "s" hurricane this year. And "Carter" for the c-storm. Shameful lost opportunities.

  2. My candles are safely hung away from the water in macrame hangers. Although, the indoor/outdoor carpet in the kitchen will probably get soggy.

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