Mrs. Cottage went to the grocery store today. It’s one week until Christmas Eve. She said the ambient music was all 80s vintage hair bands and metal like Slayer and the Scorpions.
Sometimes, I think people have all lost their minds. Then I remembered, “Hey, I made my own people.” And they can make music. It won’t rock you like a hurricane or anything, but it’s still pretty good.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
7 Responses
She should consider herself lucky. The Kroger variant where I shop has been playing “pop” Christmas tunes – at least when I’m there. I really hate that stuff. The rest of the year they play classic rock, so that’s fine. I’m actually surprised at a grocer going metal.
I’ve been waiting for that one! Never lost confidence that it would shop up just in time! Hope the boys are doing great in all of their ventures and that there’s still some time for music!
While I have never been a churchgoer—except when visiting my grandmother, which was an unquestioned condition for visiting her—I have always liked the traditional Christmas carols. Those in charge of store music during Christmas will claim that their avoidance of religiously-themed songs during a holiday season named for a religious figure is to avoid offending people. My reply is that I am offended by the monopoly of secular songs celebrating a religious holiday.
I am not offended by secular Christmas songs per se. Here is my favorite secular Christmas song, dredged up from childhood memories. Tom Lehrer’s Christmas Carol.. Satire risks being dated, but his Christmas Carol is as topical today as it was 6-7 decades ago. I learned all his songs by heart, with the exception of The Elements, which considering my undergraduate major is rather ironic.
I hope this song offends someone.
Good job, as always, by the Unorganized.
I also recall from my childhood:
I’ve got a couple of favorite Xmas tunes myself. First up is Jethro Tull’s “A Christmas Song”:
“Once in Royal David’s City stood a lonely cattle shed,
where a mother held her baby.
You’d do well to remember the things He later said.
When you’re stuffing yourselves at the Christmas parties,
you’ll just laugh when I tell you to take a running jump.
You’re missing the point I’m sure does not need making
that Christmas spirit is not what you drink.
So how can you laugh when your own mother’s hungry,
and how can you smile when the reasons for smiling are wrong?
And if I just messed up your thoughtless pleasures,
remember, if you wish, this is just a Christmas song.
(Hey! Santa! Pass us that bottle, will you?)”
And then there’s Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys singing, “They Ain’t Makin’ Jews Like Jesus Any More”:
Well, a redneck nerd in a bowling shirt was a-guzzlin’ Lone Star beer
Talking religion and-uh politics for all the world to hear
“They oughta send you back to Russia, boy, or New York City, one
You just want to doodle a Christian girl and you killed God’s only son.”
I said, “Has it occurred to you, you nerd, that that’s not very nice
We Jews believe it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ”
“You know, you don’t look Jewish,” he said, “Near as I could figger
I had you stamped for a slightly anemic well-dressed country Nigga.”
No, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore
They don’t turn the other cheek the way they done before
He started in to shoutin’ and a-spittin’ on the floor
“Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore.”
He says, “I ain’t a racist but Aristotle Onassis is one Greek we don’t need
And them niggers, Jews and Sigma Nus all they ever do is breed
And wops ‘n micks ‘n slopes ‘n spics ‘n spooks are on my list
And there’s one little heeb from the heart of Texas
Is there anyone I missed?”
Well, I hits him with everything I had, right square between the eyes
I says, “I’m gonna gitcha, you son of a bitch ya for spoutin’ that pack of lies
If there’s one thing I can’t abide it’s an ethnocentric racist;
Now you take back that thing you said ’bout Aristotle Onassis.”
No, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore
We don’t turn the other cheek the way we done before
You could hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
“Lord, they sho’ ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore”
All right!
No, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore
We don’t turn the other cheek the way they done before
You hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore
Everybody!
They ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore
They ain’t makin’ carpenters who know what nails are for
Well, the whole damn place was singin’
As I strolled right out the door
“Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore!”
No, we ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore
We don’t turn the other cheek the way they done before
Well, the whole damn place was singin’
As I strolled right out the door
“Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore!”
Now that’s GOTTA offend somebody. Personally I listen to both of these every Christmas, just to put me in the spirit of the thing.
Speaking of Kinky Friedman and offensive, consider his lead to
Kinky Friedman 2012: “Get Your Biscuits in the Oven.”
The song caused a mini-riot at the University of Buffalo in 1973, and Kinky was awarded the “Male Chauvinist Pig Award” by the National Organization for Women later that year.
Same song w original orchestration plus video” Kinky Friedman w Ruth Buzzi: “Get Your Biscuits in the Oven”
(Kinky was the summer camp counselor of a friend’s siblings.)
Hi everybody- Kinky is another national treasure, although the nation is Texas, I think.
I hope you and the Cottage family have a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year