As my father used to say, “God love ’em.”

This is what all TV weather reports look like to me, only with much less charm. This guy has it goin’ on. He really knows how you’re supposed to prepare for a wikid stahm comin. Let’s go to the transcript he’s so solicitously supplied with his video:

Order your Pizzas and Chinese Food and Buy Cases of Pspsi and Coke and
Do your Grocery Shopping Don’t Wait until the Last Minute Do it Right
Now

I must admit that I don’t keep up with nutritional advice from the government these days. Is that the new Food Pyramid? Well, as long as it’s gluten-free pizza and the chopsticks are harvested in an ecologically sound manner from happy trees, I guess it will do.

Yeah. He’s more tuned in to popular culture than the runt of a Kardashian litter could aspire to:

…have your iPads, iPods, Cell Phones, Laptops and Tablets Charged and
have your 3G and 4G Internet Ready and when you are driving your Car
Take your Time driving your car and Slow Down so you Don’t Get in the
Car Accident and when you are going outside Don’t Walk too Far and have
your Shovels, Snow Scoops, Snow Blowers, Snow Plows and Salt Trucks
Ready and Drink Lots of Green Tea, White Tea and Red Tea and Drink Lots
of Green Tea to keep you warm and have your Furnaces Ready and Turn on
the Furnaces to keep the House Warm during the Blizzard

Funny thing was, while the weatherman was apologizing to New York for no blizzard, the snow was going by my house at 50mph or so. It started snowing inside my house, literally. Snow started to geyser straight up from the crack between the windowsill and the sash, and settled in a little drift on the sill. That was on a window that’s been painted shut for fifty years, easy.

It snows here, so we don’t worry overmuch, but the temperature routinely goes below zero at night, and the loss of power in a blizzard would be a big deal. No heat. We can power a wood furnace in the basement using an inverter hooked up to a car battery, but the car has to be running, and you can’t manage that during a blizzard. The power stayed on, and the house didn’t fall over, so it was just another snowstorm.

We went out yesterday and started shoveling the asbestos snow, with no way to know how much there was. The wind had moved it around so much that it could have been anything from a foot to thirty inches. The end of the driveway defended itself ably against our assaults, but the two exchange students from across the street wandered over and outflanked the last of it. 

We’re going to get another foot of snow tomorrow, and I have no idea where we’ll put it. The banks are six feet high already. We’ll figure out something. We always do. We just can’t figure out where to get Pspsi.