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A Man Who Has Nothing In Particular To Recommend Him Discusses All Sorts of Subjects at Random as Though He Knew Everything

Still Better Dialog Than Anything George Lucas Ever Wrote

Kids writing scripts for grownups. It’s glorious. As opposed to Hollywood, where grownups wearing toddler clothes write scripts for kids pushing sixty.

We don’t send our children to public school, but we hear all about what goes on there. They’re always maundering on in the local papers about their bright new ideas — generally already discredited since the 1960s — about “teaching children to be more creative.” See, there’s your problem right there.

I don’t know exactly how dull you have to be to be a public school administrator, but school is supposed to try to put some sort of lid on a child’s creativity, and get them to add single digits without using a sundial as a stopwatch, and put apostrophes where they belong once in a while, for five goddamn minutes a day, at least. Children only have one problem, and that’s creativity. The reason you’re all still sitting at the dinner table after an hour and fifteen minutes has come and gone is because your seven-year-old is still building stonehenge with his french fries. That’s creativity, isn’t it?  The reason your bathroom smells like a cattle stall is all the creative ways that little Magellan you’re raising has figured out to circumnavigate the bowl. This video is like shooting fish in a barrel, which incidentally produces a very similar kind and amount of splashback.

If your kid doesn’t compose at least one insane opera a day that lasts from sunup to sundown, he’s not normal. A kid with that little imagination is luckily not common, but when he or she grows up, they’re likely to cause trouble, likely by becoming a public school administrator or a state senator. Claiming you’re going to teach children to be creative is like claiming you’re going to teach Mike Tyson to be aggressive. And your Common Core plan for teaching creativity? Well, as Mike once said, everyone’s got a plan until they get punched in the mouth. 

5 Responses

  1. Most concise, cogent, succinct summary of what's wrong with our current set of "educators". Thank you.

  2. The reason your bathroom smells like a cattle stall is all the creative ways that little Magellan you're raising has figured out to circumnavigate the bowl.

    I literally laughed out loud at that one. That smell is entirely too familiar.

  3. made me kinda sad.
    Our "little Magellan" is currently down at the slip outfitting his boat, having obtained enough funding to have committed to his course.
    As he goes down horizon my wife and I will return to their ghosts and the overwhelming sounds of silence.

  4. "Children only have one problem, and that's creativity." Gregory Sullivan. That's a wrap. Take the rest of the year off, Sipp. Your brilliance burns so brightly, I'd say this is the tops. Except I'll be back for more – the year is still young.

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