I’ve always used the most mundane and utilitarian version of just about everything. “Eschew surplusage,” says the guy that should eschew using the words “eschew” and “surplusage,” and just tell you to stop flapping your gums. It’s good advice for anyone.

Well, it’s the surplusage of god**** !@#$%&ing bleeping @#!$!% goldurned $%#&&$ time I’m forced to spend staring at a frozen screen that I’m interested in eschewing. And I can eschew muttering to myself for a good long while, before exploding in a rage and throwing the mouse at the wall, too, when all I’m trying to do is look at a two minute low resolution video clip but my intertubes are all clogged up with interwebbage already. Why? Because they’re made of copper they can’t even be bothered to put in a penny anymore.

If it doesn’t work, and all that fiber-optic goodness they’re supposedly bringing me today doesn’t get me off the low-grade DSL schneid I’m trapped in, you’re going to hear me –old school analog screaming style– from your house, even if your windows are closed.