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A Man Who Has Nothing In Particular To Recommend Him Discusses All Sorts of Subjects at Random as Though He Knew Everything


You guys don’t understand Rock music.

That’s OK. You don’t know how you’d fare in prison because you watch Oz, either. You’re a consumer. That’s fine. Well, I was a producer for a while, in a little way, and I worked with lots of other varied producers of your rock and roll entertainment, and I’d like to sing the praises of a certain type of guitar hero: The motorhead.

No, not MotorHead. That’s a band. They have an inexplicable umlaut in their name I can’t be bothered to add. No, I mean motorheads. Watch the Grand Funk Railroad video. Those are motorheads.

You see, rock music wasn’t all sissies like David Bowie and Peter Frampton and so forth. And it wasn’t all pseudo intellectuals like Yes and Sting. It wasn’t all escapees from Broadway or the music hall like the Beatles or Elton John or Queen. It wasn’t all three chord cowboys- all hat no cattle –like the Eagles. It was guys from shop class. It was motorheads.

They were good at sports, but wouldn’t play on teams because they didn’t give a fig. They liked two-stroke engines, took apart LED watches, and had jobs when they were sixteen. They bent sheet metal for the HVAC guy, or did body work in a garage, while you were home watching TV. They had mini-bikes and guns for toys when they were little kids while you were playing Clue. They were shaving, or needed shaving was more likely, when you still had your mother’s face. They had a sunny, easygoing disposition, got Ds in everything in high school, and got all the girls the football players didn’t vacuum up. And a lot of the ones they did, eventually.

It was all because they were good at math and music, they were masculine, and they could play rock music. Their music, whether copied from others or home-made, was raucous and lively and manly and fun and brash and direct and unaffected. They weren’t sexual as a pose. They weren’t pretending to like pretty girls by the armload.

I’m not paying attention closely anymore. I don’t know if there are people like this around anymore. I can’t think of any. They never whined, so no grunge, thanks. They never committed suicide, because they were happy all the damn time, so no Cobainiacs need apply. They’d never dress up, so that leaves out the Ozzie wannabes.

Oh well. I’m Rock and Roll Darwin, and I’m here to assure you: These dinosaurs once roamed the earth. And they were a blast.

6 Responses

  1. “We’re comin’ to your town,
    We’ll help you party down,
    We’re an American band”

    Kind of sums it all up, don’t it?

  2. As far as young, current bands that just rock hard, you have to head to the land of Oz.

    Wolfmother kick out the jams, and then some.

    Plus, best of all, no bloody seperate singer and bassist, they are a power trio as God intended all great rock bands to be.

  3. dirtchrsr point out an interesting thing. Shop class is kaput in most places. You can’t get past the liability. The machines are dangerous and that’s that. They’ve outlawed playing tag at school in the state I live in. I don’t think they’re going to let the kids operate a table saw if you can’t play tag.

    The woodworking trade magazines I get point to a small resurgence of shop type classes again here and there, so it could turn around a bit. I noticed the one thing they all have in the curriculum: CAD operated shopbot training.

    Brave new world, ain’t it?

  4. CAD and CNC training ties-in with a modern new hands-off computerized DigitalHead: rapping, synthasized, drum machine, and sampled noise dudes (like my pothead jailbird nephew).
    But the new-guys who play with electro musik are shielded and sanitized – they’re earth-friendly eco-Greenies who don’t ride around on dirtbikes and the most they can do to their cars is add an ear-bleeding sound system.

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