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A Man Who Has Nothing In Particular To Recommend Him Discusses All Sorts of Subjects at Random as Though He Knew Everything

In Furtherance Of My Evil Plan To Resurrect Wichita Lineman And Make It The Official Cover Song Of The Twenty-Teens: The Swinging Doors

We’re bad. But we’re not just nationwide. We’re global now.

We are legion. And we are determined to make Wichita Lineman the song that’s played by the band in the corner at the dive bar, on the juke box at the pizzeria, and played during time outs at football games and water polo matches alike. I want it tastefully arranged with strings and French horn, murmuring from crummy overhead speakers in elevators in Kuala Lumpur, even though I hate French horn and I’m glad they make them shove their hand in there to try to smother the sound.  I want gas pumps to play Wichita Lineman. High School marching bands. I want it to become the opening riff of a Windows start, and an Apple shutdown. I want Lady Gaga to cover it because she’s afraid not to. 

And be warned: I’m gonna come looking for first person that makes a “Rineman” joke, and not with binoculars, either.

Aforetimes: In Furtherance Of My Evil Plan To Resurrect Wichita Lineman And Make It The Official Cover Song Of The Twenty-Teens: Optiganally Yours 

Previously: In
Furtherance Of My Evil Plan To Resurrect Wichita Lineman And Make It
The Official Cover Song Of The Twenty-Teens: Glenn Tilbrook 

Also Sprach Sippican: Another In The Long List Of Songs I Don’t Like That I Like

7 Responses

  1. This song sure is an evergreen. I am searching for a version done by Stompin' Tom Connors. Bootleg recording in a bar up in Sudbury. I passed out before I could get the guy's name.

    And I won't mention Rineman. Nope, not even once. The word Rineman will not cross my keyboard. As far as Rineman goes: complete silence.

  2. Rumor has it that the song wasn't written by Jimmy Webb, rather by an itinerant bar band musician. When approached by syndicate representatives he was reluctant to sell the copyrights until he decided it was better to have his signature on the contract rather than, well, you know how that goes. Puzo borrowed it for his novel but that's another story.

    Conscience-stricken he blew the whistle on the mob guys, leading to the conviction of Tough Tony Capezio and Letso Lotsko. In return for his testimony he was placed in the Witness Protection Program, working for Ikea as an assembler, up in New England somewheres. Lately he has endeavored to right the injustices and make a legacy for his descendants.

    The guy I heard this from is sober mostly except on weekends and he is no good at bullshit poker so I tend to believe him. Jes' sayin'.

  3. I like this one.

    But the real question: Is this the beginning of a Big And Evil Plot?

    chas, you may be hanging out with bad company. I think i live too far away to join you.

  4. I'm crying over here.

    Got to go find my LP by GC to floss out my ears with. I filed it under 1968. Crap! I sold 1968 to pay my college debt.

  5. Sam, I may have said too much already. I usually do. My wife sez I talk faster than I think … that's a compliment, right? In answer to your first question: yes. I have been getting more and more snail mail addressed to "Occupant". Claims that I "may already be a winner", c'mon, who do they think they're fooling?

    As to bad company, I never did like that band and IIRC they never covered Wichita Lineman. Far as I know they never even been to Wichita. That reminds me of something Horace said:

    "Naturam expellas furca, tamen usque recurret."
    (You may drive out Nature with a pitchfork, yet she still will hurry back.)

  6. I'm reminded of a night in a hotel lounge somewhere in eastern South Dakota, long about 1984. The band was Asian, the music was Jefferson Starship. For years afterward, both my first wife and I could get a rise out of the other with a simple quote: "Lock and Lorr." As in, "We built this city on lock and lorr."

    The band was actually quite good, as cover bands go.

    By the way, Mr. S: I have a project for the Spare.

    The drum solo starts at 6:20. A bonus if he can do the facial expressions!

  7. Yer gonna hafta FEED this earworm, fella!

    chas, the Q was fer Mr. Sippi, but I'll take your answer under advisement (whutever thet means.)

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