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A Man Who Has Nothing In Particular To Recommend Him Discusses All Sorts of Subjects at Random as Though He Knew Everything

Ginger Or Mary Ann?

My Intertunnel friend Gagdad Bob over at One Cosmos has opened up a can of worms. He’s pointed out there was more than one M. Jackson, now dead and gone, that was a talented singer and electrifying performer; and it’s a shame that the washed-up weirdo Jackson with the chimp and the glove and the tupperware nose gets all the pub, instead of the sublime Mahalia.

So far, so good. But there are great Manichaean questions presented to every red-blooded American every day — Ginger or Mary Ann; Disney or Warner Brothers; Coke or Pepsi; Red Sox or Yankees; Moe or Curly; Ford or Chevy; Bailey Quarters or Jennifer Marlowe; Apple or PC; Samantha or Jeannie, Jefferson or Hamilton… well, will you listen to me ramble. You guys know the big questions. But the king… er…queen of all these conundrums is: Mahalia Jackson or Sister Rosetta Tharpe?

Well, of course it was over even before Sister Rosetta started blazing away on the Gibson SG, which was kinda like spiking the football in the end zone after a really easy score. This immediately becomes one of life’s great mysteries, however, as we all know that Fender Strats beat Gibson anythings.

If you’re one of the benighted people that answer Ginger, Disney, Pepsi, Yankees, Moe, Chevy, Jennifer, Apple, Jeannie, Jefferson, and Mahalia, I’m not sure I can be seen with you, but I promise I will pray for your corroded soul.

If you answered Mrs. Howell, Hanna-Barbera, RC Cola, the Pittsburgh Pirates, Larry Fine, Dodge, Ubuntu, The Flying Nun, and Aaron Burr, I feel only pity; there is no need to actively oppose you.

If you mention Shemp or Bachman-Turner Overdrive anywhere in there, I’m going to come looking for you, and not with opera glasses.

Oh — Ginger or Mary-Ann? Trick question. We all know it’s Elly Mae Clampett.

6 Responses

  1. I've always liked Mahalia, but Sis Tharpe is a hoot. I'd go to her church any day, and twice on Sunday.

  2. Fenders whomp Gibsons, unless you're Wes Montgomery. I ride my bike past dozens of churches in Detroit on Sundays with choirs that rock just like sister Rosetta.

  3. Mahalia, there is no second place.

    What were the other questions? Oh, right…

    Coke, no Pepsi.

    Chevy, but really, Toyota as we both matured.

    No Stooges, only Marx Brothers.

    Gibson ES335 TD with a sunburst finish.

    No commie Apple products, ever.

    Senators – screw those far up north Y*nkee teams.

    As for Ginger, Mary Ann or Elly Mae – if all three showed up at my door, I would quote my brother's good friend CJ Peters and say "One of you is going to have to go home."

    As you were…

  4. Apple, love my two Apples. Had too many viruses and total crashes on our past PCs. Hope you'll still let me read your blog.

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