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A Man Who Has Nothing In Particular To Recommend Him Discusses All Sorts of Subjects at Random as Though He Knew Everything

What If It’s All This Bad, And We Don’t Know It?

I don’t remember where I first saw this. It’s been kicking around in my “saved for future execration file” for quite some time. It is, quite simply, the worst music video ever:

Borat’s big right now. Being bad as a way of being good is a big industry. Bill Murray might have invented it thirty years ago. Remember him singing Star Wars in the ski lodge on Saturday Night Live? We all act like that now. Self-consciously unself-consciously bad is the new good.

This isn’t like that. This person was undoubtedly serious. And so it would be mean to make fun of her.

I don’t care. If you think you can make a spectacle of yourself like that, standing beside a randomly chosen backdrop of unmown, littered lawn and a standpipe next to the dirty lake, singing like a deaf soprano bagpipe and looking like a Big and Tall Manatee Clothing Store commercial, without bringing down calumny and derision on yourself, you’ve got another thing coming. I’m unlikely to be the first or the last person to tell you this, but here goes: I’m sorry, but You Stink.

But you don’t simply stink. You represent so much more to me. You’re all the people in the audience who think “I could do that.” And so I’m not really angry at you and your porcine video, it’s the thing you adore that I loathe. Talentless attention mongering celebrity.

It’s not your fault. Like most people, you think being a pop star is the highest calling of humanity, and you’re not interested in being just another citizen. You wanna be big time, at least in a small way. You give me the same melancholy feeling I get seeing the chimps in the zoo. Nature gave them opposable thumbs, just like humans, but all they can manage to do with theirs is fling poo. And flinging poo is the best metaphor for that video I can come up with.

The benighted formerly young lady is correct. God bless her. I hope she had a ball on the back of the Harley with mulletman. I’m sure she had to write a… ahem… big, fat check for the whole thing. She isn’t any worse than 99% of popular entertainment.

What a difference there is in that last percentile.

5 Responses

  1. Couldn’t watch the whole thing. But thanks a lot for ruining my dinner. And probably my breakfast tomorrow too.

    verification = owsup

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